Pop-up egg-on-a-stick cooking gadget

OK, seriously, I have no idea whether the output of this "cook a perfect tubular egg-thing-on-a-stick" thinggum is anything remotely edible, but the production company that made it is basically staffed with evil geniuses who made me vibrate with desire within about ten seconds. Also, there's something weirdly compelling about a device that appears to get a boner while it cooks for you.

Rollie Eggmaster Cooking System | Official Site (via Red Ferret)


  1. Boner’s not the first thing that comes to my mind.  But if the egg tubes are any good, I’d actually kinda like one of those cooker things.  I honestly don’t care for frying eggs in the pan.  It takes too much concentrated attention for too many minutes too early in the morning for my ADHD brain to think frying eggs as worthwhile.

  2. Eggs are probably the first thing I learned how to cook. If you’re having that much trouble, it’s probably best if you just stick with toast.

    1. I don’t find it difficult to cook eggs as a general case.  It’s difficult to keep my attention on cooking eggs in the morning before my ADHD meds kick in and enable me to focus my attention on boring stuff.  Therefore I usually ruin eggs in the morning, since it requires me to keep my eye on it and doesn’t have reminders.

        1. On my old electric stove you can multiply that figure by four to just get hot enough to make a slimy 90 second omelet. Plus, I’m just not great at cooking. It never interested me much, so I never have taken the time to practice at it. If I took some time, I’d get better, but before meds, it’ll be a battle to not just say screw it and make toast, which basically makes itself, and reminds me when it’s ready, so I can go be distracted by other things in the meantime.

          1. The way I’ve taught my six year old kids to make eggs:
            1) spray bowl with cooking spray
            2) crack egg into bowl
            3) pinch of salt into bowl
            4) break egg with fork
            5) cover with wax paper
            6) nuke 1 minute (walk away, wait for beep)
            7) put piece of cheese on egg, re-cover
            8) renuke for 15 seconds
            9) slide onto buttered toast
            the ADHD kid has more trouble, but he can do it.  If he gets distracted during the 1 minute of cooking, no big deal, that time is flexible.

  3. Why must these gadget commercials rely so heavily on the overly-clumsy and apparently ham fisted morons that were obviously raised by wolves because they can’t crack or flip and egg to save their sorry uncoordinated asses?

    It just feels really insulting to all of human kind to see the “idiots” trotted out as an example of why you need this ridiculous contraption.

    That said, I do actually see this one as fairly cool and I would consider getting one. However, I also imagine that over the course of time (depending on how much you use it) that non-stick coating will become semi-non-stick and that will make cleaning that thing a total bitch not to mention how in the hell are you supposed to get your food out when it does start lose it’s coating.

    Also, the “idiot” in the middle, who in the hell just piles up the shells on the stove? Where do they get people to act this dumb and the writers to write it all out. It seriously boggles the mind.

          1. Same here.  TVTropes has become my own self-banishment.  Feeding my addiction for unnecessary facts.

      1. I really need to get on the milk-jug caddy for the weak youth. You just know that milk is going anywhere but the bowl. Sheesh.

        This is my gold standard. I wouldn’t trust any of these “idiots” with a sippy cup in a rubber room let alone eat their egg abortions. Also the device is so ridiculously over-wrought I just have to wonder why some mechanical engineer even thought that wasting that much time to design it was a good thing. Only case I can make for it is if you happen to be horribly crippled in some fashion. But the able bodied “idiots” in this one just drive me nuts.

          1. Nah, all the good stuff’s on youtube. Come to think of it all the bad stuff is too. 
            At least it’s searchable, right?

    1. Why must these gadget commercials rely so heavily on the overly-clumsy and apparently ham fisted morons that were obviously raised by wolves because they can’t crack or flip and egg to save their sorry uncoordinated asses?

      Because a significant portion of their actual market are people with physical handicaps or the elderly, and who cannot actually crack or flip an egg to save their asses without a HELL of a lot of effort and or physical pain. Doesn’t necessarily reflect on overall co-ordination – arthritis, being missing a few (or many) fingers, partial paralysis, heavy scar tissue, blah blah blah.

      But few advertising agencies have the balls to run commercials with someone with one partially functional hand trying to crack an egg, or an 85 year old woman who’s hands are gnarled into claws by arthritis defeated by an unco-operative spatula and heavy cast iron frying pan. So they instead have “normal people” who inexplicably can’t fry an egg without help.

      If you use actors with disabilities, “normal” people watching might think your product is ONLY for people with disabilities and not buy it. GASP.

      1. No, I get that and you’re definitely not wrong. But is it all that better that I think this product is for the hopelessly mechanically disinclined or am I really expected to dig down deep and inform myself that this is just a polite way of saying this is really for the disabled but we can’t show such unsettling things on TV so we’ve hired a bunch of actors to act like complete boobs so we don’t have to be “insensitive” to a certain class of people who AMAZINGLY this product is actually aimed at.

        I’ll take the easy route every time with this issue, idiots, doing idiotic things idiotically.

        1. I don’t think it is better, but it is reflective of societal shame surrounding illness and disability. From what I have experienced the ads also target the disabled, who recognize them as silly but don’t feel like they’ve “sunk to that level” as much. Now, that isn’t a healthy way to feel about it I guess. But I’m speaking more from experience than anything. It’s hard for some people to admit they can’t do these seemingly simple things anymore. 

          That being said, I don’t think it helps to isolate people more. 

          I really wish we had more visibility and openness surrounding disability, without pity or shame.

          1. Indeed. Interesting.

            Though, we have commercials for power-chairs, hearing-aids, and a whole range of other conditions. I’m not saying this represents full or good representation in the media but it does seem to indicate that perhaps the marketroids behind such gimicky gadgets really aren’t trying to sell to the disabled. I think in some way the people that write and produce this cultural cruft at some level really think people in general are this inept and need to buy a “solution” for one of life’s little problems. Any utility to the disabled may very well be a side effect not intended or even thought of by the people involved in the whole production of goofy devices like these. I could also be very wrong about that assessment. 

            In any case I do still find this sort of advertising on one hand very funny but on a completely different hand find it really insulting as well. And the insult is to humanity in general including both able-bodied and disabled alike. (For instance, neither set is going to just heap the shells onto the stovetop on purpose.That’s simply daft and any reasonable person knows this.)

          2. I agree that this is a market. My MIL has really shaky hands which we all pretend not to notice. I searched high and low for some gifts that would not seem like for disabled people that would help her out. I ended up getting her a small stand mixer since she likes to bake desserts. I would have never purchased something that was obviously aimed at the elderly or disabled as it would shatter the illusion that it was simply a new appliance with NOTHING to do with her shaky hands that I have NO KNOWLEDGE OF.

            I don’t really see that a Rollie would be useful to her, but I will say that both her and my dad have had extensive dental problems and been confined to soft food diets for extended periods. So, eggs are a thing they can eat and I can definitely imagine a person not really able to peel a hard boiled egg very well, who also can’t chew well, but who is capable of cracking an egg open and getting it into the center of the Rollie.

        1. Yes, I see where this is going…

          I believe simpler societies had it right with it being turtles all the way down. This whole gadgets all the way up thing is probably slowly killing our society. Also, slowly may be a generous term here.

        2. Until next year when they come out with the deluxe Rollie package that also includes some sort of egg cracking gizmo.

          1. You know, pairing the Rollie and the EZ Craker might just be a little bit brilliant. One certainly does not want to cock up cracking eggs at the office and especially on one’s desk, certainly not mine. 

      1. If I wished to discuss my purposes, I might admit to wishing to acquire one of those items as well.  

  4. I totally understand that sentiment, as a hetero.  I always get a boner when I cook, which is why I cook so damn much!

  5. If you are this lazy about cleaning up a pan after you cook (for those of us without a dishwasher, having to clean every single dish afterwards by hand does get a bit old, especially if you are cooking more than one thing for a meal,) you can just microwave an egg in a microwave safe bowl with a light smear of oil in it. Then use that bowl to eat the egg. *1 dish* other than the fork. Even less cleaning than cleaning out a gadget afterwards, and you already have a damn microwave at home.

    1. As the suave male business-type in the infomercial shows, one does not require even a single dish to enjoy a delicious Rollie — simply remove your tubular egg straight from the device, have a scrumptious bite, and scurry off to your important business meeting.  No dishes or utensils required.

      Oh, and not all of us have a damn microwave at home.  And even if we did, we’d be hard pressed to cook a bloody egg in it.  Unless, of course, we happened to enjoy sub-par eggs.

      1. Although, if you really don’t have a microwave oven at home, and would like to consume things *other* than delicious Rollies, you’re probably better off getting the more general-purpose tool first. Yeah, it starts at twice the price, but I bet you can master at least three uses for it.

        1. Or, you know, I could just use that odd looking device that I store my tea kettle on.  I think it is called a range or stove or some such.  I heard it cooks things rather well.  

      2. You really think that the machine never has to be cleaned? And of course the egg is sub-par. I am just talking about how to do this exact same thing, basically, without a stove if you are so inclined, with a very common kitchen appliance.

    2.  Nope. Don’t hold with those new-fangled ‘radio oven’ thingamajigs. You cook stuff by putting *fire* under it, is what you do…

    3. This is a great way to have the egg literally explode in your face as soon as you tap it with the spoon to crack the shell. I’ve seen this happen and it was just about one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

  6. That does not seem a breeze to clean. That seems like just NOT cleaning. I could just NOT clean my frying pan too and it would be a “breeze” until the gunk caught fire or salmonella managed to survive somewhere.

      1. Well if you have those you don’t have to do much. I was thinking more of the common cheap plastic handled pans. I have two beloved cast irons myself. 

  7. If the product has any merit, you’ll be seeing ‘rollie’ as a synonym in the urban dictionary for morning wood.

    1. If one were to remove the cylindrical cooking chamber and applied sufficient force whilst thrusting it through an apple, I would have to say yes.

      And you could clean the damn thing while you’re at it, too.

  8. If it doesn’t leave the yolk in all its liquid glory, how am I supposed to drown my toasts in it? (and have the hot, gooey goodness mix with the molten butter… droooool)

  9. Damnable uni-tasker.  Do not want.

    I second Jonbly Herbert’s request for a BB review, but I request that Rob write it. ;)

    1. Why uni-task?

      Surely you could pour pancake batter into it and enjoy tubular flapjacks.  I’m going to go ahead and call them tubejacks right now before they take off.

      A single serve fondue machine for Sex and The City marathons?

      I’m seeing possibilities for cylindrical hamburgers as well.  Think of it — only needing to purchase one type of bun for your next pool party!  

      Uni-task… psh.

      1. “…cylindrical hamburgers…”

        Probably functionally close enough to the hotdog to not need reinventing. See Hebrew National all beef franks.

        However, as a corndog maker it just might work. Surely we can come up with even more ideas.

        In this theoretical BB review I’d perhaps like to see some of these more adventurous applications tried out.

        1.  I’m pretty sure I saw some kind of vaguely sausage-shaped barbeque mould for burgers so they’d fit in hot dog buns on theworstthingsforsale a few weeks ago.

  10. Okay, if anyone ever cooked eggs at the office (1m11s) in my cubicle farm, I feel quite certain that they would be bludgeoned to death with their own Rollies.  And no jury in the land would convict.  Fried eggs are just behind microwave popcorn for overwhelming, everlasting stench.

  11. Here is a liquid food that stores and cooks in it’s own natural packaging just by putting it in hot water; I give you The Egg.

      1. It’s almost impossible not to create links with Disqus. It has an annoying habit of making any period with a letter on either side into a link.

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