English school (briefly) bans triangular desserts, citing food-fight shuriken risks


76 Responses to “English school (briefly) bans triangular desserts, citing food-fight shuriken risks”

  1. orwell says:

    “henceforth, all meals shall be served in liquid form…”   and every student since, has been heard pleading “please, sir, i want some more…”

  2. Navin_Johnson says:

    Mmmmm….. particle board…

  3. zuludaddy says:

    Because four corners are better than three? 

    Or, more philosophically, would it still be a flapjack if it were round?

  4. anansi133 says:

    It’s interesting that the *shape* of the projectile was perceived to be the problem. I would have thought it would be enough to ban the throwing of food.

     I guess it’s not enough to be doing one’s job, one has to be seen doing it.

  5. OldBrownSquirrel says:

    Don’t tell the TSA.

  6. nachoproblem says:

    This rather supports the stereotype that English cuisine is better used as a weapon than sustenance. (Actually the stereotype is that English cuisine is awful, but I’m trying to find the silver lining.)

  7. theophrastvs says:

    Don’t they teach food to weapon modification in English schools anymore?  (if for no other reason as a practical application of basic geometry?)

  8. dave3 says:

    “…to increase the safety in food fights.”  Now that’s funny.
    I guess these need to eaten with a “stiff upper lip”

  9. aidan earl says:

    nachoproblem: Where has that label come from? I’m not saying ‘English cuisine’ is anything spectacular and being veggie myself I’ve never experienced what is considered traditionally English but how has Germany got away with it for so long!? 
    Their food is abysmal!

    • nachoproblem says:

      That’s true, except that maybe they represent themselves to the world better. I mean, every German or Austrian restaurant I’ve eaten at in the US has been wonderful. Whereas, the home cooking at the German House when I was in college, which I suppose would be more authentic to “German cuisine”… oh dear, oh dear…

      • aidan earl says:

        Maybe in Germany they are more inclined to work with what they have available. The thing that annoys me is there seems to be no attempt break from tradition. Kartoffel und quark!
        *excuse the generalisations.

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        Stay with a family in India and discover what real Indian food is like. Completely unrecognizable.

    • Navin_Johnson says:

      A beer and a brat w/ kraut is one of the greatest meals on earth, so I’m going to have to dispute that.

      • nachoproblem says:

        I feel the same way, but as I mentioned there may be a restaurant vs. home cooking issue there.

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        I have these friends who always serve sauerkraut on holidays when they serve turkey/ stuffing/ etc. It has a remarkably lightening effect on what would otherwise seem like a meal full of moistened particle board.

  10. nachoproblem says:

    In addendum to my other comments: Of course, when decent Americans want to enjoy themselves either at home or in restaurants, they usually have Chinese, Mexican, Italian, Japanese, French, Thai, etc. …  And I hate to think what “American Cuisine” may be represented as in the rest of the world. Have Paula Deen’s donut cheeseburgers made it over there yet? *shudder*

    • Wreckrob8 says:

      Our view of American cuisine is somewhat schizophrenic, undecided between traditional home cooking, home made jam, ice-cream, bread, etc. and fast food by the bucket.

      • In all fairness the US hasn’t been around long enough to have its own cuisine.

        Even Apple Pie, one of the most quintessentially American foodstuffs, is something I considered very British until American Media taught me otherwise.

        • Wreckrob8 says:

          Yeah. The word cuisine suggests, perhaps, uniqueness and originality resulting from long development and did seem out of place. I was humouring our transatlantic cousins who used it first.

          • It doesn’t suggest something so much as mean something. It’s a real word.

          • Wreckrob8 says:

            Connotes? Is that better?

          • I guess :p Sorry I wasn’t being snarky.

          • Wreckrob8 says:

            I was trying to avoid being too dogmatic. A particular cuisine can also  be codified by one or two individuals within a generation or so. It is not that easy to define. 
            Personally I see nothing wrong with the word food. It is what I eat all the time. I was caught between changing cuisine to food or going with cuisine. I could also claim not to have changed cuisine to food in deference to our American cousins. And both things could be true.

          • To hell with it, why do we all them restaurants when they could just as easily be food rooms?

            I’m playing with ya, I don’t care.

          • nachoproblem says:

            At least we used it with quotation marks.

        • nachoproblem says:

          Turkey is indigenous to the New World, otherwise you’re about right.

        • Navin_Johnson says:

          Americans have been around and making food for 15,000+ years though…

          Just teasin’ ya.

          US “cuisine” is a hybrid or blending of the kinds of foods that various ethnicities brought here and adapted over time.  Also worth noting that a number of European staple dishes wouldn’t exist without foods that originated in The Americas.

          • Of course, as I mentioned somewhere else around here though, indigenous food a cuisine does not make.

            You don’t get more British than tea, but it’s not like we grow it in our back gardens :)

          • Navin_Johnson says:

            Yeah, it’s definitely a Chinese beverage even if lots of British people took to it.

            Lots of dishes were made here with not just native food items, but the lessons on what to do with them, so they are part of our cuisine.

          • Pumpkin pie is definitely American. I think. And that’s pretty delicious.

        • Antinous / Moderator says:

          In all fairness the US hasn’t been around long enough to have its own cuisine.

          Oh, please. Where do you think tomatoes and potatoes come from?

      • nachoproblem says:

        That’s pretty accurate. I’ve always though that Americans only care to do their own cuisine right about twice a year — Thanksgiving and July 4th. The rest of the time, you tend to be at the mercy of corporations.

    • Daneel says:

      Paula Deen has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.

      Lived in Savannah for 2 years, never went to her nasty restaurant. All the locals shun it, strictly a tourist trap.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      American cuisine?  Corn (maize).  Tomatoes.  Potatoes.  Peppers.  Polenta with marinara sauce is made entirely with New World ingredients.  But if you want something more obvious, try Indian Pudding.  Or succotash.  New Englanders, at least, tend to be American locavores in their traditional cooking.

  11. Christopher says:

    My mother must have instituted this policy because she was concerned someone could PUT AN EYE OUT!

  12. peregrinus says:

    You mock flapjacks at your peril
    Till you meet my aunty Beryl
    She’ll spank you red upon her knee
    Listen to no word of plea
    She makes the best flapjacks in town
    Trussed up inside her wedding gown
    If you carry on, young man
    I’ll introduce my hairy gran
    She sailed upon the seven seas
    Baking huge naval pastries
    Don’t like flapjacks in your book
    She’ll give you a mighty left hook
    Heed these words, beware young man
    Of my aunty Beryl and my fearsome gran.

  13. Sirkowski says:

    I used to go to school. But then I took a nacho to the knee.

  14. BarBarSeven says:


  15. Red Monk says:

    Well it’s all fun and games until someone loses a eye.

  16. Just goes to show you, If you take away their poptart guns ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2013/03/05/pop-tart-gun-suspension-seriously-folks/ ) kids will still find a way to arm themselves.

  17. sockdoll says:

    Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the baked goods!


  18. Promethean Sky says:

     The only way to stop a bad guy with a flapjack is a good guy with a flapjack.

  19. WinstonSmith2012 says:

    Stupid nanny state tricks #9787.

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