Bro-on-Bro violence leads to tragedy, as penis drawn on roommate's face

A Virginia man was beaten on Saturday, March 23, for drawing a dick on his roommate’s face.

Arlington County Police say 31-year-old James Watson passed out on his couch after a night of boozing. Around 5:30 AM he woke up to find, to his outrage, that a crude rendering of male genitalia had been scrawled upon his very face in permanent marker.

From a local news report in Arlington:
Police say that Watson, suspecting his roommate, ran upstairs to where the roommate was sleeping and jumped on top of him, repeatedly punching him in the face. The commotion awakened a third roommate, who managed to separate the two. The victim reportedly waited about an hour and a half to call the police while deciding whether or not to press charges. He did end up calling for help and police charged Watson with malicious wounding. The injured man’s eye was swollen shut and bleeding, so the third roommate drove him to the hospital for treatment, according to police.

Cops say the roommates admitted they sometimes play pranks on each other while intoxicated.

Gentlemen. They do the darndest things.


    1. I consider it a public service.  For reasons i can’t entirely explain, this whole thing makes me feel kind of (and I know this seems weird) happy.  It’s like 0.3 of a unicorn chaser, and I am not entirely sure why.

      1. Me too. This guy might make drunk douches think twice about marking up their fellow drunks. 

        I think someone should make a Charles Bronson style movie, maybe starring Liam Neeson, as a guy who wakes up with a dick drawn on his face and then goes out to claim revenge.

        1. ‘I don’t know who you are.  I don’t know what you want.  If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money.  But what I do have is a very particular set of skills.  Skills I’ve acquired over a very long career.  Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.’  – Taken

          1. Also works! Actually I think that’s the word I was looking for, but my german’s a little rusty.

    2. Love it. This is an example of public shaming I can get behind.

      As weird as this sounds, I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone I actually know on BoingBoing.  Hey there, Dave.

      1. I seem to have bad luck getting vanished, er, MODERATED on here. Glad you caught this one! Say hi to everyone from me.

    1. Are we still calling them ‘Greek-life Americans’, or are they just members of the ‘expansively fraternal-affective community’?

      I honestly can’t quite keep up with this stuff.

  1. My eyes read the story, but my brain decided these were college kids and spent the entire shuffle into the kitchen to get a cup of tea shaking my head back and forth in confusion about why people do these things to themselves.

    Why would anyone drink till they’re unconscious?  Why would you drink at all in the company of those you know you can’t trust?  The drawing could have been removed – why the rage?  “scrawled upon his very face” – what?

    1. Why would anyone drink till they’re unconscious?  Why would you drink at all in the company of those you know you can’t trust?

      This sounds familiar. Like I’ve read it before in other threads about another topic.

  2. had a similar experience in college, where a buddy celebrating a birthday, drank too much and passed out.  we drew all over his arms and hands, in an effort to distract from the fact that we had shaved off one of his eyebrows!  the next morning, in a class we shared in which we were having an exam, he stumbled in late wearing sunglasses.  the teacher noticed that he looked a bit under the weather and had a brief chat with him.  he explained the previous night’s birthday festivities and i watched as he raised his sunglasses, showing her the missing eyebrow.  he was in such a rush to get to class, he hadn’t realized that he was missing an eyebrow until he was in his car on the way to class.  the teacher was cool enough to understand and let him retake the test at a later date, telling him to go home and get some rest.   quite a different level of coolness, understanding and humor, from all parties involved, in light of this guy’s reaction.  if you pass out drunk, laugh off any harmless results and chalk it up to a future great memory… maybe keeping your friends in the process…

  3. Around 5:30 AM he woke up to find, to his outrage, that a crude rendering of male genitalia had been scrawled upon his very face in permanent marker.

    He should count himself lucky that (a) he found out on waking, and didn’t walk around with it all day long and (b) that his roommates didn’t know that turmeric or henna are more permanent than ‘permanent’ marker.

      1. I can imagine a crowd of snickering police officers insisting that they need to darken it up again “for legal reasons”.

  4. Given that a lot of permanent marker can be easily washed off with rubbing alcohol, I don’t see what the hassle is.

    1. Can it really?  I thought it tended to be more stubborn than that.

      In fact, I was just thinking there is definitely a gaping niche for a product that can be touted for its fast, effective marker-removing ability.

    1.  Give the area of Arlington they’re in, it’s not far off.  You just need to add “with a brown flip flop” to the end.

  5. Let’s harness our imaginations here to make sure this loser goes down with a more creative insulting nickname than “Dickface”. We can do this, people.

    1. Challenge recognized and accepted. 

      I’m going to go with ‘Genitalia Jim’, after James John ‘Gentleman Jim’ Corbett, professional boxer and former World Heavyweight champion.  A bare-knuckled lefty. 

      Also, James Walter ‘Cinderella Man’ Braddock (played by Russell Crowe in the film by the same name – an infamous drinker and brawler).  Braddock staged a come back in his thirties to become world champion.  (?)

      Both Corbett and Braddock were children of Irish immigrants.

      I considered ‘Virginia Jim’.  Cigarettes as phallic symbols.  Too subtle.

  6. If you are still partying this hard, with these people, at 31, it might just be time to attend some AA meetings…

    1. This.  There are things that, when still happening over 30, are not a good sign.  Skull bongs and flag curtains also qualify.

      For that matter, living with someone who you are not having sex with or related to is not always a good sign (though it is a lesser indicator than blackouts and skull bongs).

      1. In what way is living (past 30, i think you mean) with a roommate evidence of some impending social death? Some people can’t afford rent without help.

        BoingBoing: where Happy Mutants go to deride the rest of humanity for doing it wrong.

      2. Phew. So living in your mom’s basement and blowing dudes for couch space at 40 are still cool with BoingBoing then.

      3. Spoken like someone dying a slow and fantastically boring death in the ‘burbs. I live in a city. I have three fantastic roomies. Not only do I get a nice chunk of house cheap and get to share furniture, but these are fun folks. You have nothing but my utmost sympathy that life has grown so dull for you. Enjoy the burbs bro. I hear they are wicked fun.

      4. Sheesh, that skull bong I blacked out on sure makes me feel immature for my age now that you guys crashed the party.

  7. He beat up one of his roommates because he “suspected” that was the one who did it.

    Glad to see the victim filed charges.  Waking up to a beating is no small matter.

  8. We had rules where I come from:
    If the one passed out had his shoes on, he was fair game.
    If the one passed out had his shoes off, he’s safely in bed, so to speak, and the roommate deserves the beating for breaking the rules.

    The rational is that if you’re too drunk to remove your shoes before “going to bed”, you’re actually just passed out and as such, still part of the game still.

    1. “WTF is all this crap piled up on top of me, I’m sure I took my shoes off!”
      Yeah, you can just put them back on the poor, sleepy bastards whilst they slumber.

  9. Good. Immediate and uncompromising violence should be the reward of all who fuck with people while they’re asleep.

  10. If you pass out in the presence of brobros, you ARE going to get dicks drawn on your face. That’s just how it is. And you just know he’s been the sharpie wielder in the past.

  11. One wonders if famous artists, in their student days, ever drew dicks on the faces of passed-out fellow students.

    Would Da Vinci have drawn a Vitruvian dick, showing it at various angles?

    Would Picasso have drawn a dick with the eye on the side?

    Would Claus Oldenburg have drawn an immensely oversize  dick?

  12. Looks a lot like Jimmi Simpson that plays Liam McPoyle on It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia.

  13. What an idiot.  Now his dick on face photo is news and permanently on file with the police.  The artwork is appropriate for him.

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