Iranian scientist invents machine that predicts the future

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30 Responses to “Iranian scientist invents machine that predicts the future”

  1. fuzzyfuzzyfungus says:

    I’ve produced a prediction without the use of any advanced hardware:

    Either this thing is the most revolutionary device since agriculture(just imagine, for example, the …impact… on global capital markets of accurate pricing information 8 years in advance), or it’s a treknobabble version of Madame Psychic’s House of Tarot Scams(and given the restrictions on witchcraft in some jurisidictions, I can definitely see a market for that…).

    My guess is #2.

  2. anon0mouse says:

    I predict that they will ask for funding.  
    I say, make billions playing the stock market, the lottery and horse races then tell us about your invention while throwing fist-fulls of Wilsons in the air and screaming “suck the future, bitches”
    …then I’ll believe you.

  3. Dan Hibiki says:

    If it’s a suit case bomb, then the one prediction will be eerily accurate every time.

  4. Glen Able says:

    Interesting to see this completely uncritical article from the Telegraph.  On another topic about predicting the future, they have headlines such as “Is the global warming scare the greatest delusion in history?”

  5. NelC says:

    A Robert Heinlein fan, I’d guess. I wonder what his device says about his own life.

  6. TheOven says:

    You cynics. When has Iran ever lied to us in the past?

  7. libelle says:

    Funny, I read this as a reactionary rag finding a way to make us laugh at those silly, backwards Iranians. Hur, hur, they’re a bunch of idjits, let’s go bomb their sorry asses.

    It’s the same kind of propaganda you expect in an Iranian paper, featuring some nutter from the Midlands who has invented a way to grow giant badgers and promising to use them to revolutionize agriculture.

    (FWIW, all cultures seem to have lunatics. Some, like the Iranians, put them in charge. We in the West, however, lock them away and for our leaders only choose people of wisdom and clear vision and .. uh … oh, shit.)

    • domuzluk_skywalker says:

       Bingo. The Telegraph isn’t that gullible, this wouldn’t be news at all if certain somebodies weren’t trying to get a war on with Iran. (Although CNN–I think it was?–did run a story on some guys who found Bigfoot a few years ago…)

    • Daemonworks says:

       Western politicians aren’t lunatics?!

  8. Apparently it predicted that the next republican US president will invade Iran. Thats one smart machine.

  9. Jake0748 says:

    “The reason that we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the
    Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight.”  –  That explains it.

  10. jaduncan says:

    Twist: every time you activate it, it says “Execution, heretic.”

  11. Florian Bösch says:

    And that’s how Iran built the jet of the future, naturally. It also magically photoshopped itself into pictures of Iranian landscape, because that’s where it will be, retroactively.

  12. brainflakes says:

    Good news everyone! I’ve invented a device that can see 5-8 years into the future! 

  13. My device can see nine years into the future. This device is inferior. Send your money to me and I will send you the blueprints. 

  14. Ron Sonntag says:

    What an F’ing waste of print space! Can you reporters actually deliver news?

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