"I was almost eaten by a hippo"

Hippopotamuses — big, lumbery, and related to whales — are described as being "mostly herbivorous". They are also MUCH faster than they look. And they are one of the most aggressive animals you'll ever meet. This combination of traits created an incredibly harrowing experience for river guide Paul Templer.


  1. time passes very slowly when you’re in a hippo’s mouth

    I’d never expected to hear that phrase!

    1.  No, it’s basketballs. You were trained on a scale model of the real life situation.

  2. “Two years later I led an expedition down the Zambezi and as we drifted past the stretch where the attack had taken place…”
    Okay, that time you were just asking for it.  He let you off easy.

  3. The hippo is the most dangerous large animal in Africa. (The most dangerous overall is the mosquito)

  4. And they twirl their tails like propellers to make the shit go flying.

    Monkeys hang their heads in shame.

  5. mostly herbivorous“


    They are also MUCH faster than they look.

    Underwater, right?

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