Joe Biden's response to 7yo's "if guns shot chocolate bullets" letter: best thing ever

The letter reads:

Dear Myles -

I am sorry it took me so very long to respond to your letter. I really like your idea. If we had guns that shot chocolate, not only would our country be safer, it would be happier. People love chocolate.

You are a good boy,

Joe Biden

7-year-old boy gets handwritten letter from Biden


    1.  No I think it’s adorable how this administration is playing people’s emotions like a cheap fiddle, especially after eight years of watching the previous administration do the same thing and get (rightly) criticized for it by the same people being played now.

      1.  That’s what politicians do. It’s pretty much the only skill involved in getting and keeping their job. They’re basically just ad-men with a bigger budget.

      2. Of all the things I hated about Cheney, I don’t recall ever criticizing him for writing a cute little note to a seven-year-old.

        1. Cheney doesn’t do cute little notes, he does scowling belligerence because he knows that’s what his audience goes for.  If this makes Joe Biden seem more “authentic” to you, there’s a decent chance that it’s because of the same thing that makes Cheney seem “authentic” to his supporters.

          1. I don’t give a rat’s patootey whether Cheney or Biden is more “authentic.” It’s the impact of their actions that matters.

  1. Everyone knows that the chocolate would be obliterated down the barrel of the gun as it was fired.  Leaving us all with only the faintest whiff of chocolate bliss and the inability to hear because of the gunshot.  Even if heat wasn’t a problem the rifling in modern day arms is going to obliterate any soft materials coming out of the barrel.

    What kind of parents raise a child like this without proper understanding of how guns work or ammunition is loaded?  They are failing the next generation!

      1. I disagree.  Nerf technology already exists to create a black-market airborne chocolate delivery system.

        We just take away all the gunpowder, they can just keep all the decorative metal sticks.

      1. You’ll have to pry my chocolate from my cold, dead hands. Although you probably won’t want it at that point.

    1. Uh yeah, didn’t they already try this in crime-ridden Chicago?? It’s why that one area smells like brownies.

        1. The Clampetts used rock salt and bacon rind for varmints, so you could make chocolate-bacon shot.

      1. The candy shell ensures that chocolate melts in your blast wound, not in your hand.

    2. The AR-950 would do as your suggesting, but I believe that a colt single action beauregard device could easily project chocolate without first reducing it to gas. The long rifle gap boring used in that model would be ideal for soft solids.

  2. I don’t know what it is about the “You are a good boy.” bit that cracks me the hell up. Mercy!

  3. I keep imagining a future like the one from Demolition Man. Guns have become so tame that people shoot each other in the face as a greeting, and your social status can be measured by the type of flavor and odors emitted from the weapon. 

    “Greetings, friend. I formally convey my presence. What appears to be your boggle??”

    Enter recently aroused from cryo-stasis psychopathic criminal Simon Phoenix…

  4. I remember as a kid putting a flower in my slingshot and shooting a friend with it figuring, “It’s a flower, it couldn’t possibly hurt to be shot with a flower”. It left a pretty good welt. I picture similar results from chocolate bullets once the meltiness problem is solved. 

  5. These are dark chocolate bullets right?  Milk chocolate just wouldn’t hold up under pressure.

    1. Also, ick. Shooting people with milk chocolate just adds insult to very minor injury.

  6. Lucky timing for this young man, in terms of which administration he wrote to.  Dick Cheney’s response would have just been, “Go fuck yourself.” And probably not even handwritten.

    1. I would like to take this opportunity to also make a joke about Dick Cheney, and how he shoots people for sport.  And something about the contrast between these Administrations…

  7. Dear Myles,
    I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he’s so busy, you’d probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.-Jack Handey

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