Mean Monkey Monday 11

(Via X-Ray Delta One)

Where are the other Mean Monkey Monday posts? Here!


        1. When he brings it down on the nearest attacker, the barrel should be positioned just right for him to blow a picture window through his own abdomen when it accidentally discharges.

      1. He looks like he was woken up (at noon) from his all night drinking binge by monkey attack.  He’s still so muddled he can’t even use his rifle correctly.

        1. By the end of it all, he’ll realize that his drinking is tearing apart his life (just like it did his father’s) and he’ll “win” “the girl.”

    1.  It’s really worth the extra dollars to stay in Benton Harbor and call an escort service.

  1. Wild animals are always shown 2/3 real size.  A friend did the tourist safari thing in Kenya.  Sitting around camp, he wailed an empty whiskey bottle at a baboon picking through the trash. The bottle hit the baboon in the head and bounced off.  This did not hurt it, or even annoy it, it barely got its attention. The baboon just glanced at them, and they decided to not bother it any more. 

    1.  A friend of mine has a similar story from when he was a lance-jack in the Fusiliers: whilst on detachment as part of an anti-poaching campaign in Kenya, his Land-rover crew and he were out on patrol, and, naturally, had stopped to skive off for a cup of tea & a cigarette. A troop of baboons came past them, and he started hooting and waving at them doing a bad monkey impersonation (or, a good hairless pink idiot monkey impression, depending on your point of view). The alpha baboon, so he says, sauntered over and knocked him the fuck out.

      1. I’ve heard that baring your teeth at an ape is not a good idea. I had an anthropology instructor who tried that at a zoo while taking his daughter’s Girl Scout or Brownie troop on a tour. The ape threw poop at him.

        I tried it (the teeth thing, not throwing poop… at least not at the zoo), and all I got were bored glances from the apes. Of course, they were behind glass (or was it me that was behind glass?) and they knew poop wouldn’t go through it. I assume they tried and failed in the past.

    2.  Imagine humanoid aliens with enormous, bulbous heads that hold greatly enlarged brains.  They’re hyper-intelligent, but between their thin skulls and their oversized brains, they are unusually vulnerable to head injuries.

      That’s what we’re like, relative to baboons.

      1. Actually, if we listen to their stream of consciousness thinking…

        “…food food food food poop food touch genitals food food food scratch eat bug food food food piss food food food…”

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