Rob Beschizza at 11:54 am Tue, Jun 11, 2013
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At last, a sequel to Dragonslayer.
Rob Beschizza is the Managing Editor of Boing Boing. He's @beschizza on Twitter and can be found on Facebook too. Email is dead, but you can try your luck at besc...@gmail.com
The 1964 World's Fair opened 50 years ago today
Hannibal: Guilt is a divine beast of burden in "Su-zakana" [Season 2, episode 8 recap]
Thank goodness . . . I was afraid all the negative comments would have discouraged Jackson from including scenes of characters falling.
Is it some kind of CGI curse, where the more that is possible the more a director becomes tempted to JarJar Binksify a movie that should never ever be Binksified? Was Lucas just an early symptom?
you’re not suggesting that the invisible-hand-of-the-market isn’t the best means of testing new technology for artistic toxicity, are you? (i think i prefer “Binkselated”)
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a dwarf falling off a cliff–forever
It is, but remember that Tolkien’s Hobbit book came out of a bunch of stories he told for his kids, so the dwarves are legitimately a lot closer to Jar-Jar than they are in Lord of the Rings.
By the third move, we should expect all dialog and character development to be replaced with jumping. Perhaps it could just be one long chase scene.
And by default, not enough foot, ankle, and shin fractures.
Mark my words. There is a devilishly squirrelly logic to the nit-picking of modern adventure films at work in these lands.
Yes, it’s amazing that a children’s movie cannot live up to the impossibly high standards of middle-aged men.
Except that’s not it at all. You know what’s great? The animated 1977 version of the Hobbit, swirly spider death scenes and all. Great music, great performances, beautiful original art direction, more true to the books. People just might be criticizing all of the ridiculous blandness in the Jackson films because they are, well, bland and ridiculous.
The greeeeeeeatest adventure.. is what lies ahead..
Children’s movie? Fine. Let’s only admit children under 13 and see how that works.
I read your comment a bunch of times but I cant parse it the way the other 12 people can…
You appear to be agreeing but also being sarcastic, so I’m guessing the agreement is false.
buuuuut you also make a couple of assumptions I’m not getting.
Like, you imply that it is in fact, *not* amazing that a children’s movie cannot live up to the impossibly high standards of middle age men but I can see neither where your middle aged men or their impossibly high standards came from.
Perhaps somebody else who got a chuckle can chime in? I’m at a complete loss as to WTF is going on here.
Bah, you people who hate movies like Dragonslayer and Krull. Learn to judge a work by its inherent story and spirit, not just by the production values.
Hawk the Slayer. Now that’s a movie that deserves a rewrite and the Joss Whedon treatment.
“The inherent story and spirit” is exactly what people are complaining about. Much of what made The Hobbit such a great book is still there – but it was badly diluted in the first movie.
Maybe in the end, it’ll be possible to recut the film to produce Tolkien’s story. Riddles in the dark was perfect and there’s at least fifteen minutes more of great footage in the first flick.
In a couple of years, give The Hobbit trilogy the Phantom Edit treatment. Brilliant!
I am looking forward to this movie, as I’ve only read the first book of the Hobbit trilogy…
I don’t doubt it.
I’m simply talking about how people use Dragonslayer, Krull, or even Hulk as comparables to movies with bad storylines.
I include Hulk because when everyone complained, the studio turned around and gave them exactly what they asked for, The Incredible Hulk. *smacks forehead*
I strongly prefer both of those movies over Jackson’s work (sans Bad Taste and Fellowship). As to your latter suggestion, I want to see Brad Pitt thrust a mindsword into the ground and say, ‘ZolTAN… you will DIE… by the sword.’
*cue badly animated Hawk*
The production values in Dragonslayer look better than in The Hobbit.
Oh wow, Radagast saying “it’s a trap.”
This is like the Evel Knievel bus-jump of shark-jumping. BILBO BAGGINS JUMPING OVER 20 SHARKS, FAKIE TO 720 NOLLIE
I sensed I was going to struggle with the first series when Gimli made a dwarf-tossing joke.
and speaking solemnly in semi- fried-voice whispers.
glad to see Voldemorc is back
And not enough wild flailing of the arms while doing that leaping!
The Hobbit really made the forest elves look like assholes. This seems to be an improvement, but in that statement I don’t include additional Legolas.
BTW, remember what they called him in Bored Of The Rings? Legolamb. Haw haw haw! God that book made me laugh.
The Hobbit really made the forest elves look like assholes. This seems to be an improvement
Many elves are assholes throughout all his books.
Tolkien elves *are* kind of assholes. “Hey, rather than teach you guys what we know so you can improve yourselves and your world, we’re just gonna sail off to Valinor and leave you to your fate. And if Sauron wins, well, sorry we didn’t try harder to get that part-Elven king Isildur to finish the job the first time. Also, we know we’re immortal and get resurrected in the halls of Manos when we die, because hey it happened to Arwen, but we’re still gonna hide away in our unassailable cities. The Valar aren’t gonna come riding out to help you either, the way they did to defeat Morgoth, and Ungoliant, &c”
And you are describing the better elves. In the Hobbit, the wood elves put all the dwarves in Thorin’s band into jail for vagrancy. The attitudes of the Eldar are much more complex, but this is no place to discuss them.
There’s no wrong place to talk about what assholes Fëanor and his sons were.
Fair point. Still, Galadriel is literally a princess born in heaven with the power to make a ring that can hide an entire kingdom from Sauron’s gaze. And yet she doesn’t even try to participate in the War of the Ring beyond handing out some fancy survival gear and a box of dirt with a seed.
No, Galadriel did not make any rings, that was Celeborn. But she did use one of the rings to protect the frontier with Mordor north of Gondor. She also called together the White Council, and destroyed Dol Guldur after the war. There’s lots more that she did, too.
Thanks for the correction, it’s been a while since I read the Silmarillion and Unfinished Tales. She wore Nenya so long and was so closely intertwined with Celeborn I just identified it with her.
Oy. The mortal leading the mortal.
The three were forged by Celebrimbor (Telperinquar), Fëanor’s grandson, thus Galadriel’s second cousin. And she is described as the greatest of the Eldar except in the making of things.
Dammit, I meant Celebrimbor not Celeborn! Celeborn was Galadriel’s husband. Apparently they had sex every 1200 years or so.
If you had to climb 300 feet down a ladder to use the bidet, you might do the same.
What’s with all the elvish subtitles?
It looks like Czech, actually, or possibly Slovak.
Are those dialects of Doriathrin?
Sure, why not.
Foreign distribution. Gotta get some of that Lothlorien silver to cover production costs.
and the colors aren’t muted enough
I dunno, the teal and orange looked pretty darn saturated in that trailer.
Wait a minute, I thought they were doing three films. How the hell are they going to spin a third movie out if they’re already in the dwarven hall?
andThe first film in the series was painfully, awfully boring. This one at least looks action packed, even including some sort of video game sequence in the barrel ride – what would arguably be the most boring experience in the whole books.
Since they already added a whole Council of Unnecessary Characters and wizards from completely separate books, I just expect them to keep going with it. After Smaug is defeated, Godzilla will burst out of the ground and just start flame-breathing everything until the Avengers come and save everyone.
I looked it up. You are incorrect, though what you wrote seemed very reasonable in light of the rest of the franchise.
“Council of Unnecessary Characters and wizards from completely separate books”
That part, at least, I understand – in fact, I prefer a little massaging to cover up the fact that The Hobbit and LOTR don’t quite fit into the same Middle Earth
They´re going to stretch the “battle of the five armies” as thin as a shoestring of course.
Five armies? You must have read an earlier treatment of that film. The final battle now includes the armies of Dwarves, Men, Elves, Eagles, Orcs, Hobbits, Ents, Wargs, Wizards, Centaurs, White Walkers, Asgardians, Imperial Stormtroopers, and all the second-tier Marvel heroes who didn’t make it into Avengers.
Not enough scenes of characters / creatures hopping and leaping.
Right, if anything, this movie needs some Hollywood action sequence plague, lowest common denominator flavor-of-the-month to, you know, make it memorable. Maybe Jackson could also throw in Radagast’s sled exploding while spinning in the air.
You know what would be super cool? If somebody made a film of Tolkien’s book The Hobbit
Also, this post is unnecessarily insulting to Dragonslayer, which was a very nice film. Unless I see some evidence that there’s going to be a lengthy scene of Kili taking a sponge bath, I’ll probably skip this mess.
I also liked Dragonslayer very much. It was especially good on acid.
I’ve re-watched it in the last five years or so and find it both funny and fairly politically sophisticated. And the dragon is far more anatomically believable than almost any other dragon on film. It’s moves like a giant, horrible reptile-bird.
Yep. It’s actually a wyvern, which is pretty much the closest thing to an actual Earthly animal. They move and look rather like bats, and sure enough, that’s how Vermithrax moved!
They made it look really awkward when it wasn’t in flight, which just seemed right.
Yes, exactly. She walked like a bat does on the ground – bats, too, are far more comfortable in the air or hanging from a roost.
(Now wouldn’t THAT have been mindbending – to see Vermithrax hanging upside down from her roosting post!)
So is When Harry Met Sally (and I AM NOT KIDDING).
Particularly the scene with the stupid wagon wheel Roy Rogers garage sale coffee table.
The “washing the dishes” scene was the most immersion-breaking thing for me, even in a movie with cartoon goblins and fighting mountains. Are we supposed to think the dwarves all met up ahead of time to work out the choreography for the “That’s What Bilbo Baggins Hates” song?
But the washing the dishes scene is almost identical to the book. They do spontaneously sing a song about washing Bilbo’s dishes while dancing a complex pratfall routine.
Which would have been fine if the rest of the film/franchise had kept the same lighthearted, whimsical feel. But as it was it felt about as appropriate as a “BOFF!!” title card would have been in a fight scene from The Dark Knight Rises.
That’s actually straight out of the book (and something I was looking forward to).
I thought that including quite a few songs was one of the few good parts about the film. The book is definitely presented as a musical.
It would have made a great musical. I just wish Peter Jackson had made up his mind about what kind of movie to make.
He did. “THREE shalt be the number of movies thou shalt make, and the number of thy movie-making shall be three. Four shalt thou not make, neither make thou
two, excepting that thou then proceed to three
This is why i like the animated 77′ Hobbit more than than PJ’s version..
…thought I do like PJ’s character design for my fellow Khazad better.
damn, it just put me to sleep again!
The biggest danger in Middle Earth is a lack of handrails on elevated walkways.
Has anybody set The Bridges of Goblin County to Yakety Sax yet?
It´s a bit like the bad guy´s ship in the first Star Trek reboot that way.
They probably used the same contractors who built the Death Star.
What a great title! It sounds like something on the menu of a doubtful Indian restaurant.
“I’ll have Special Pilau Rice with beef curry, please waiter. And a side order of Desolation of Smaug”
I think they fucked up the three trolls scene pretty bad just to get another fighting sequence out of it and an opportunity to shoehorn Gandalf into another scene.
Gandalf was in that scene in the book.
:-*| It´s been a while since I´ve read it. Anyway, I remember it as a perfectly good fairytale scene which they made into a hollywood fighting spectacle. And I don´t remember Gandalf splitting stones either but I could be wrong again.
Looks great… :)
Funny you should mention Dragonslayer, because that’s exactly what came to mind with the brief and really pretty awful reveal of Smaug at the end. Completely underwhelming CGI for what should be the most awesome part of the movie. Maybe it’s not finished and they rushed the trailer out anyway? Dragonslayer’s Vermithrax was awesome, especially for its time. This was just sad.
I have low hopes. Some of the Harry Potter movies, which obviously cost a fortune, had effects that were barely more finished than wire frames.
And a very different appearance for Smaug then was shown at the end of the first movie (bigger eye, narrow muzzle, etc.) I’d wager that’s a placeholder, but of course I could be wrong.
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