Lizz Winstead Op-ed: Quit Trying To Get Crafty With Our Rights

[This op-ed is by Lizz Winstead, co-creator of The Daily Show and Lady Parts Justice - Mark]

The most important takeaway from yesterday’s Hobby Lobby arguments is thank God women sit on the Supreme Court. Had there been no female justices, these fundamentals would have gone unchallenged:

a. A corporation is a person.

b. An emulsion of sexy fun time fluids is a person.

c. Birth control is an abortion

d. A woman can be legally required to participate in a three-way with her boss.

The women on the court drove the questions while Chief Justice John Roberts and Co. bought Hobby Lobby’s 64-pack of crapola.

And even Green family lawyers are crafty. They took a hot glue gun and slapped together some smoke and mirrors to create a bullshit narrative that the billionaire Green family are running some religiously oppressed “Mom and Pop ” operation.

After the oral arguments, Hobby Lobby’s attorney flooded cable news, not seeing any hypocrisy in the fact that the Christian craft store had no problem profiting from customers who need centerpieces for their abominable gay weddings. It’s only when they have to fork out money to cover an employee’s sinful birth control that they play the “abomination” card.

Oh, and I am sure every Styrofoam wreath and tube of glitter are only made in the Christian Chinese factories located in the “abortion-free” provinces.

Please.

This isn’t about religion it is about their bottom line. Everyone knows not getting laid is the gateway drug to scrap booking. Seriously, if you are getting it on the regular, your desire to sponge glaze your bedroom walls greatly diminishes. More sex = less crafting. Period.

“But where will it lead if Hobby Lobby wins?”, is the question everyone and their mother have been furiously asking, writing and tweeting. So we at Lady Parts Justice have made this little video reminder of where we might be headed if a corporation is legally able to hide behind religion to enact hideous business practices.

Notable Replies

  1. That was TV's Frank from MST3K!

  2. Better idea - how about you move to Somalia and give a real free market a try?

  3. Read Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle", then let me know if you still think that's a good idea, because things like letting kids dip matches next to spinning blades is exactly the kind of thing that happens when companies are unregulated.

  4. If I consider toilets to be an abortifacient, does that mean I don't have to provide toilets for my workers? If I consider heating and lighting to lead to sinful behavior, can I just ignore those OSHA regulations?

    Considering something to be the case does not make it so. The morning after pill is a strong birth control pill. It prevents fertilization, meaning there is no abortion.

  5. Kosher laws are very well-known and established in the Jewish community. It's also written down in plain english black and white in the old testament. Don't Eat Pigs. They're very strict about ALL of them, so it's something to be taken quite seriously.
    By comparison, the "christian" rules that corporations are standing behind to avoid doing business with gay people, or covering women's health care, aren't really rules. I don't think there's a bible passage that says "Don't Abort Babies" or "Don't Marry Someone of Your Own Gender." And anyway, they don't follow all the rules they have to begin with, so they're arbitrarily picking and choosing which ones to get in a tizzy about. You don't see any Christian Clothing shops refusing to sell cotton/poly blend clothes.

    It's funny that you mention this, because as a gay man who has worked in several print shops as a graphic designer, machine op and pressman, I've dealt with this first-hand. In copy shops we would tell the person to go use the self-service machine, but we wouldn't reproduce the material ourselves. In print shops where we didn't have the self-service machines we would refuse the service on the grounds that it was offensive material.

    The bottom line is that the laws we have in place are there to protect the minorities from being overrun by the majority. The Straight White Christian Man is clearly in the vast majority and thus doesn't need the protections those laws provide, and in fact, is the reason most of those laws were created in the first place.

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