The Swagtron T3

The office I work in is full of things old people buy to make themselves feel young again.  I can honestly say that our awesome new toy, The Swagtron T3 Hoverboard, makes me feel very, very old. I’ll explain why later.

Swagtron T3 Pros

Swagtron T3 Cons

But I have to say that the Swagtron T3 is much better than their previous models. The wheels are beefier, the ride is stable, and the motor is peppier.

Why does the Swagtron T3 make me feel old? 

Tonight, I decided to live on the wild side and switched from “Standard” to “Advanced” mode on the app. When I did, I got this friendly warning:

“Extremely high injury risk”?!

There was a time when I’d completely ignore a message like that or treat it as a challenge. But these days, with my back issues, bad knees and fear of everything around me, I have to be careful. And even though the T3 will reach a top speed of only 8 MPH, it’s plenty fast when you’re standing upright with your hands glued to your sides.

Which brings me to this dude in Dubai who is surely riding in Advanced mode.

 

What the S#!T is that?  And how did I get so old?!

 

PRO/CON COMBINATION

The SWAGTRON T3 can also play music via Blootooth while you ride. How ridiculous is that?   Just today, I terrorized my coworkers as I zipped around the office while blasting Soul Coughing’s Super Bon-Bon.  I’ve been told that there's nothing more frightening than a 47 year old man blazing by your cubicle with the lyrics, “Move, aside, and let the man go through!” blaring from his feet.

In case you either don't know how great that song actually is or how annoying it would be to hear in the workplace...you're welcome.

I’ve ridden many Hoverboards in the past few years and the SWAGTRON T3 is the best yet. It will always be magical to me to simply lean in a direction of choice and quickly travel there.

 

If only I was 20 years younger and didn’t enjoy lounging around on porch swings so much.

Notable Replies

  1. Swagway has a whole bunch of lawsuits it's been facing relating to fires, falls, and patent infringement.

    That the number 1 reason to buy this is "NEW! This device WON'T burn your house down (unlike our last model)" isn't enough for me to give this to someone I love.

  2. Sqyntz says:

    undoubtedly the best use of a hoverboard is to hitch it to a lawn chair:

  3. The only conceivable thing dorkier than this product is its name.

  4. I watched the guy ride the wheels on top of the building in Dubai.

    Those muscles down there. Yes, you know the ones I mean: the ones you use when you see videos like that. Do they do anything else? What did they do before YouTube?

  5. Swagtron T3 Cons

    • It's called a Swagtron.

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