"Debate Me": parody of internet manliness gurus/dorks

Something Awful has a guest column from one of the manosphere types netizens cannot fail to be familiar with in 2017.

DEBATE ME.

That's right. I've been powering up these logical brain lasers for hours now just to tear through your fallacies like so much tissue paper. Let me set the stage: my house, seven hours, a webcam, and you and me, duking it out with truth-fists. A jury of my choosing, made up of my peers. The loser gives $10,000 to whatever charity deals with the most tragic of cancers.

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I found the best rug tape

After trying several brands of anti-slip rug tape, I can assertively report that the Roberts brand Rug Gripper Slip Tape is the only one that was any good. Read the rest

Review: Lenovo Yoga Book

Lenovo's Yoga Book is the most striking personal computer I've seen in years. More than the original iPhone, or Sony's X505, or the Messagepad, here's technology that seems a few years ahead of schedule. It's compact, attractive and thinner than anything else that might be called a laptop. Imagine two hinged pieces of black glass, one of which glows with the internet and the other with Okudagrams, and you have the Yoga Book. Read the rest

Nicolas Cage emotes

It's from 2014, but it still works: Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit. Warning: salty language. For reference: Jack Nicholson Losing His Shit. Read the rest

New Mac-scented candle reportedly smells like a standard candle

The New Mac Candle is a hand-poured, 100% soy 9-ounce candle offering 45-hours of burn time with notes of mint, peach, basil, lavender, mandarin and sage. It's $24.

Here it is reviewed by staff at The Verge, who all have different opinions on what it smells like, until they're told what it's supposed to be, whereupon they agree it smells nothing like a new Mac.

I remember distinctly the scent in question: notes of adhesives and hot-pressed cardboard with a delicious aftertaste of styrene. Maybe the candle smells like a New Mac if you poured an artisanal cocktail on one? Read the rest

The theme song to Duck Tales but with Alex Jones ranting about Chemtrails

@hateshaliek: "i started singing 'chemtrails' in the tune to the ducktales theme a half hour ago so i just had to make this real quick:"

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Laptop has fake subwoofer

In this video, a mini subwoofer on the bottom of a laptop turns out to be a cosmetic divot impressed into the casing of a removable optical drive. The "subwoofer" is just a grill with a hole looking into the divot. Fans of the manufacturer have a range of superb excuses, such as it being a cleverly-disguised airflow structure. [via] Read the rest

How to cover stubborn stains on basement floors

Just paint daisies over them. Do it. Do it now! Read the rest

Gifts for Lovers in the Death Throes of The American Republic

Gifts for Lovers in the Death Throes of The American Republic

Share a final candle-flicker of joy before the annihilation begins: Twitter / Facebook.

Silver heart pill container pendant / $100

Compartment will fit 6 small antipsychotic pills comfortably.

Jasmine Absolute Essential Oil / $55

An uplifting, hopeful, and romantic scent. Beautiful as a pick me up, or an aphrodisiac. — Xeni

Personalized End Grain Chopping Block / $190

This personally engraved chopping block is to die for! As you shall, in the brutal civil war portended by the election of Donald Trump. — Rob

Square, lightweight plastic flask from Stanley / $15

Sturdy, multicolored flasks that go around the world with you, perfect for a sneaky V-day cocktail with your sweetie (Previously) — Cory

The Womanizer: comes with a "100% orgasm guarantee"

It's not a vibrator. It's a gadget that suckles the clitoris. Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, said it "induces powerful orgasms in a shockingly short amount of time." — Mark

Barry White: All-Time Greatest Hits / $4

Want to set the mood? Here's the soundtrack your evening needs. — Jason

Defenders Mushroom Extract Blend / $35

Say it with shrooms! This is a high-quality Asian medicinal mushroom extract tonic, an exotic blend with purported adaptogenic properties. It may brighten up your brain and help you cope with stress. Chaga, Reishi, Shiitake, Maitake and Turkey Tail. — Xeni

Key Knife / $12

A blade cleverly hidden in a key-shaped handle, which many report having successfully taken through TSA checkpoints — Cory

Flashing LED Heart Kit / $10

Solder up a special something for your loved one or, better yet, have a romantic maker date and do it yourselves. Read the rest

John Yoo, government lawyer who OK'd torture, thinks Trump is "executive power run amok"

John Yoo authored the "Torture Memos" which provided the government with legal advice on getting away with torturing prisoners. Whenever the media needs someone to exemplify "conscious amorality in support of state power," he's our man. Writing in the New York Times, though, he thinks Trump is "running amok."
after the order was issued, his adviser Rudolph Giuliani disclosed that Mr. Trump had initially asked for “a Muslim ban,” which would most likely violate the Constitution’s protection for freedom of religion or its prohibition on the state establishment of religion, or both — no mean feat. Had Mr. Trump taken advantage of the resources of the executive branch as a whole, not just a few White House advisers, he would not have rushed out an ill-conceived policy made vulnerable to judicial challenge.

Remember: you still have to take a shot when the Times calls it "enhanced interrogation," and drink the whole bottle when Yoo says it. Read the rest

Stephen Bannon fooled Trump into signing executive order that gave him national security role

Here's an interesting suspicion: Trump is only marginally literate, and hates reading so much he deals with even complex correspondence by talking it out and trusting that whatever is put in from of him at the conclusion is an accurate reflection of the discussion. This strategy has come into contact with one Stephen K. Bannon, and Bannon has already done well by it.

President Trump was reportedly not fully briefed on the executive order he signed that allowed his chief strategist Steve Bannon a seat at the meetings of the country’s top national security efforts. ...Trump was frustrated over the executive order and reportedly demanded to be looped in on the executive orders earlier in the drafting process. According to the Times, Trump demanded that his chief of staff Reince Priebus to come up with a fundamental approach to executive orders.

This came from the New York Times, which inexplicably buried the news deep inside a rambling story about White House messaging strategy.

... But for the moment, Mr. Bannon remains the president’s dominant adviser, despite Mr. Trump’s anger that he was not fully briefed on details of the executive order he signed giving his chief strategist a seat on the National Security Council, a greater source of frustration to the president than the fallout from the travel ban.

Which is to say that two weeks into the administration, there is already a striking instance of Bannon exercising power over Trump, implying serious questions about whether the latter has the intelligence and focus to resist being exploited by him and anyone else who can put something under his nose. Read the rest

10 hours of ambient noise from an "icebreaker in the frozen arctic"

Imagine the horror of being trapped in a hostile landscape surrounded by snowflakes that were once objects of amusement but now form a blizzard of menacing proportions. Then smile because you're not a fascist, and are merely stuck on a polar icebreaking vessel for 10 hours.

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Mad Max Trilogy soundtrack on vinyl

With track titles such as "Max Decides On Vengeance" and "Max Enters the Compound," the first two Mad Max soundtracks embody the movies' stark and ironic dystopia. Disc 3, of course, has "We Don't Need Another Hero." I have embedded the instrumental version here as a taster of the forthcoming vinyl set, with Brian May, Maurice Jarre and Tina together at last.

For the first time ever, the original Mad Max trilogy of soundtracks have been combined into a stellar deluxe package designed by Marvel comic artist Tim Bradstreet (The Punisher, Blade). The outside three panels consist of all new original artwork while the inner panels display minis of the original jackets and the tracklisting. The color of the vinyl is Gray, Sand and Black respectively in keeping with the central colors of the new art panels. No more than 2000 units will be made and the trilogy will not be duplicated in another package.

It's up for preorders at $70 and will ship in April. I wonder: why doesn't it include Mad Max 4?

Mad Max Trilogy [3 LP] Soundtrack [Amazon] Read the rest

British railway guard kicks racist off train

Alexander MacKinnon thought it would be "my word against hers" after he directed racial abuse at Sanaa Shahid on a train out of London—the sneering solicitor said she shouldn't be in the country, let alone first class. Unfortunately for him, he was overheard.

The train guard then approached MacKinnon and told him: "It's not just your word against hers, it's mine as well because I heard it all."

The guard added: "We're not going to accept it. You're drunk and racist and you need to get off the train."

Writing on her Twitter page, Mrs Shahid said she could not speak highly enough of the train manager who helped her and her son.

She added: "Sat with us until the guy was taken off by [British Transport Police]".

He was fined £1,154, plus £50 compensation to Shahif.

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Boston Dynamics introduces "nightmare-inducing" robot

Today in Onionesque quotes, that's one from presenter Marc Raibert, founder of Boston Dynamics. [via MeFi]

Here's another:

"It's still a little slower than a human. but we're working on getting it to go faster and faster. And better."

Work at a warehouse or dock? Not for much longer. Read the rest

Ikea Börder Wåll

Der Postillon reports that Ikea now offers an affordable flatpack solution for any wannabe autocrats looking to shave a few dollars off their $25bn whitey elephants.

The simple, Scandinavian designed border wall (with a 5 year guarantee) is primarily made of pressboard with a birch effect and can be assembled with the help of a hex key. A 12,000 page instruction manual with easy-to-understand pictures makes construction child’s play – as long as there is not a single screw missing.

“However, assembly requires two people: one person can hold the wall while the second screws it together”, it states in IKEA’s offer.

The problem is, of course, that it looks great when you put it together the first time, but one move and it turns into a a pile of rickety MDF. Previously. Read the rest

Sir, I'm afraid you've had enough

Enjoy this vertical video of a dog insisting that its master not have another glass of wine. Read the rest

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