TRIPMUNKS: all the CGI Chipmunks movies overlaid, at half speed

nasty chipmunks

Neil Cicierega took the four (!) Chipmunks movies, superimposed them upon one another, and slowed them down. If CGI remakes of cartoons can be seen as the pigs of our cartoon childhoods ushered into the rendering plant, this is the psychic slime left gluelike under the vats. [via]

Previously: Chipmunk Christmas, slowed down to original speed Read the rest

Website serves endless stream of "epic" music

Bierstadt_Looking_Down_Yosemite_Valley
Epic Music Time is a website that plays only epic music. Other single-serving web radio sites include jazzandrain.com, which plays jazz and the sound of rain, and relaxingbeats.com, which plays Industrial Pornogrind Metal. Just kidding. It actually plays relaxing beats. Read the rest

Blandly is a full-service blanding agency

blandly

Tired of bad publicity? Terrified of the social media snarls that consume unwary brands daily? Your company needs Blandly, a full-service media agency that can bury you in a colorless mush of vacuous positivity, thereby guaranteeing your disappearance from the public imagination.

BLANDLY IS A FULL-SERVICE BLANDING AGENCY.

We specialize in bland identity, bland development, bland strategy, blandbuilding, bland positioning, digital blanding, fully integrated blanding campaigns, bland UI/UX design, and bland environments.

BLANDLY CREATES AWARD-WINNING BLAND SOLUTIONS FOR OUR CLIENTS.

From technology startups and trendy restaurants to established multinational blands, we work with each of our clients to develop innovative approaches that deliver measurable value.

WE ARE BLAND STORYTELLERS

The homepage is a great exemplar of the minimalist-but-not-really monosite that's basically every website now. Read the rest

Koyaanistocksi: Koyaanisqatsi but with stock art footage

stocksi
Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance was an experimental, dialog-free film by Godfrey Reggio (with a score by Phillip Glass) that depicts our relationship with nature and technology through a series of striking film images. Jesse England's Koyaanistocksi is a convincing recreation of its trailer made exclusively from generic stock art. A funny simulacrum, but of what order I can't tell: art rendered empty of meaning thanks to the pervasive replication of its own forms. [via Jeremy Erwin] Read the rest

NYPD cops charged with felonies after beating up mailman

Baker

Two NYPD detectives who beat up a uniformed U.S. Postal Service mail carrier were charged with felony assault in Queens wednesday. Angelo J. Pampena, 31, and Robert A. Carbone, 29, were also charged with perjury after CCTV footage of the incident demonstrated that they had lied in their official reports of the arrest.

Mailman Karim Baker's harassment by NYPD began after giving street directions to a stranger who later killed two officers, reports the New York Times. But the October 2015 incident went beyond the usual stop and search, leaving Baker disabled.

Mr. Brown and Mr. Subin said the detectives approached Mr. Baker as he left work on Oct. 21, 2015, in Corona, Queens. Mr. Subin said the encounter was captured on surveillance video from a building across the street, and had been paired with audio from a 911 call from Mr. Baker’s cellphone that recorded what occurred.

Mr. Subin said the officers had asked to see his client’s identification and when he asked why he was being stopped, the officers told him he was parked too close to a fire hydrant. Mr. Baker then called 911 to ask for help, but he dropped the phone when the officers began pummeling him, Mr. Subin said.

The district attorney said Mr. Baker was seated in his car when the detectives punched and kicked him multiple times in the face and body and dragged him from the vehicle. Mr. Baker sustained spinal fractures and a knee injury and has not been able to return to work, Mr.

Read the rest

If Slither.io was a text adventure

textadventureslitherio

The internet is addicted to Slither.io, a startlingly compulsive multiplayer mashup of the classic "Snake" game and Tron's "Light Cycles": block other snakes with your body, watch them explode into a cloud of orbs, then eat the glowing remains in order to grow longer and larger. It's a game of fast reactions, split-second decisions and low-latency internet connections.

Naturally, then, I wondered what it would be like as a text adventure. Read the rest

Transhumanist church not much different from any other small town church

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Motherboard's Claire Evans visited The Church of Perpetual Life, a transhumanist house of worship whose adherents await the time technology brings them into eternity—by curing aging. The strangest thing is that it seems much like any other smalltown Protestant church, right down to the bland off-white architecture, the nice pews, the books on tables, the clean-cut religiosity. It is in Florida.

"We are fighting against involuntary death, and view immortality as the ultimate solution to every problem mankind faces,” said Bill Faloon, one of the church’s founders.

His parishioners call themselves “immortalists.” Other monikers include transhumanists, “longevity enthusiasts,” and “people who really are committed to the anti-aging concept.”

Whatever they call themselves, they all share one thing in common: They believe that science and technology will find a way for humans to live forever on Earth.

Lurking behind it appears to be a foundation at odds with the taxman. (PDF) Read the rest

Trump slowed 50%

trump

Everyone sounds drunk or stoned when slowed down 50%, but doing so to Trump reveals that his bizarre, digressive speech patterns are uncannily like a drunk sped up 200%. Read the rest

Current American politics explained

explained
A friend from my native England asked me to explain what the hell is going on. I got confused talking about it, so just made this chart instead and emailed it to him. I'm sharing it here so you can marvel, once again, at the curious mix of ignorance and insight that ex-patriot Britons bring to the United States Experience. Read the rest

A world without internet

arcadia

Blake Snow imagines a world without internet

In addition to blurring (or obliterating) the lines between work and home life, the Internet has dramatically changed our cultural conception of patience. “Without it, we wouldn’t expect instant gratification as often as we do,” notes Michael Calore, a senior editor at Wired magazine. “Not just the ability to get an online answer immediately, or same-day delivery. Because of the Internet, the anticipation of waiting for things is largely gone.”

Snow's tone is questing, yet bound by inevitability; Clay Shirky is consulted and reassures us that escape is impossible. Alex Balk adds a few preliminary thoughts on how nice it would be in a world without internet.

3. Your awareness of just how shallow, vapid, rage-filled, dense, empty, angry and otherwise tiresome your fellow human beings are would be restricted to your personal observations of the few people around you who were unable to hide it, rather than being something informed by the constant universal broadcast of the vast army of people who were proud to proclaim it. ...

8. Your own self-loathing would be based on the terrible things you actually did instead of the terrible things you actually clicked.

9. Idiot lists like this would never be published...

Read the rest

Slither.io is an addictive mutiplayer snake game

slitherio
Slither.io is the classic game Snake, but massively multiplayer and with the ruthless eat-and-grow mechanic of Osmos. The "eat" mechanism is subverted: hitting other creatures results in death, so you must instead outmanoever them and force them to hit you. On my best run, I got eaten at 7,000. Can you do better? [Thanks, Joel!] Read the rest

Google warns that Google.com hosts malware

googletransparencyreport
Google is pointing a finger at its own website, declaring it "partially unsafe" for web visitors. It's not clear if the report is one part of the sprawling company telling the truth about another part, a mistake, or a clever "googlebomb" of inbound links designed to trigger this result.

In any case, the warnings posted are delicious.

Some pages on this website install malware on visitors' computers.

Attackers on this site might try to trick you to download software or steal your information (for example passwords, messages, or credit card information).

Some pages on this website redirect visitors to dangerous websites that install malware on visitors' computers, including: 7b726aeb-a-62cb3a1a-s-sites.googlegroups.com, polnu4ewtan4iwki.ws, and 40d0dfd9-a-62cb3a1a-s-sites.googlegroups.com.

Dangerous websites have been sending visitors to this website, including: maeaflordapele.com, valeimaginar.blogspot.com, and bou7out.blogspot.com.

Read the rest

Trump solemnly recalls the 7-11 attacks

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The New York Times reports on a gaffe that's part tragedy, part comedy, all Trump.

“I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen, down on 7-Eleven, down at the World Trade Center, right after it came down,” Mr. Trump said on Monday evening. “And I saw the greatest people I’ve ever seen in action.”

Mr. Trump did not seem to realize that he had invoked a chain of convenience stores, and the crowd did not seem to mind.

Read the rest

Infinite Trump

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And I made an actually-infinite perfect-looping Trump GIF for you: Read the rest

I can see forever: Trump edition

seeforever0

A woman reacts as U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump works the crowd following a campaign event in an airplane hanger in Rome, New York April 12, 2016. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri Read the rest

Trump "hopes it doesn't involve violence" if Republicans deny him their nomination

Illustration: Rob Beschizza

Donald Trump, though leading in delegates and votes in the Republican presidential candidate race, doesn't like the "delegate math" that could let Ted Cruz (or someone else) take the nomination at the party's convention this summer.

Trump criticized the delegate selection process as undemocratic and said the RNC will face a “rough July” if he’s denied the nomination.

“I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that,” Trump told reporters Sunday in Staten Island. “I hope it doesn’t involve violence, and I don’t think it will. But I will say this, it’s a rigged system, it’s a crooked system. It’s 100 percent corrupt.”

Reince Priebus, the chairman of the National Republican Committee, has told his colleagues not to consider making changes to the rules that govern the convention's nomination process. Read the rest

Brutalist websites

brutalist websites

Brutalist websites: "In its ruggedness and lack of concern to look comfortable or easy, Brutalism can be seen as a reaction by a younger generation to the lightness, optimism, and frivolity of todays webdesign."

An evocative (if imperfect) word for the combination of considered minimalism and retro-HTML design that's coming into vogue as a reaction to the overtracked bloat of the modern web. I'll take it! But "brutalism" doesn't seem to account for the nostalgic component that suffuses a lot of the entries, even if the materials match. Brutalism didn't look like something from 20 years ago until it was 20 years old.

P.S. There are many ways to view Boing Boing, but ASCII is worstbest. Read the rest

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