Giant panda masturbation resolved [NSFP]

A phenomenon that had long been suspected, but never directly observed, now finally videoed by a World Wildlife Federation photographer in Sichuan province.

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Incredible footage of gunfire in Canadian Parliament

At least one gunman and a soldier are dead today after exchanges of fire in and around Parliament buildings in Ottawa, Canada. This footage was taken by a Globe and Mail reporter at the scene.

Buildings in Ottawa’s downtown core are under lockdown after the crack of gunshots rang through the halls of Parliament Hill’s Centre Block and a gunman fired on soldiers guarding Canada’s main war memorial.

Ottawa police confirmed that they were investigating “several” shootings in downtown Ottawa. There are conflicting reports of how many shooters appear to be involved in the attack on the heart of Canada’s federal government.

USA Today reports that there were "multiple reports of shootings," followed by a pursuit into Parliament Hill "sending bystanders and members of Parliament scrambling for safety."

In Ottawa, police confirmed a man opened fire at the National War Memorial outside the government complex shortly before 10 a.m., hitting a soldier who was standing guard. Jason Kenney, an MP and Minister of Employment, Social Development & Multiculturalism, tweeted: "Condolences to family of the soldier killed, (and) prayers for the Parliamentary guard wounded," Kenney wrote. "Canada will not be terrorized or intimidated."

Ottawa police Constable Marc Soucy could not verify whether police were looking for multiple shooters, as some media outlets were reporting. He said only that the response was ongoing throughout Ottawa.

The Globe's Josh Wingrove on the lockdown:

Here's a statement from the Ottawa police:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Wednesday, October 22, 2014 1:45pm

(Ottawa)—The Ottawa Police Service and Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) responded to reports of shooting incidents this morning in the downtown area. Police can now confirm that incidents occurred at the National War Memorial and on Parliament Hill.

Contrary to earlier reports no incident occurred near the Rideau Centre.

One shooting victim succumbed to injuries. He was a member of the Canadian Forces. Our thoughts and prayers are with him and his loved ones.

Next of kin notification is underway and as such, the victim’s identification will not be released.

One male suspect has also been confirmed deceased. There is no further update on injuries at this time.

This is an ongoing joint police operation and there is no one in custody at this time.

Ottawa residents are asked to stay away from the downtown area while the investigation continues. If you work in one of the downtown buildings, follow the instructions from the building management you are in.

A number of RCMP and Federal government buildings are also closed to the public; as is Ottawa City Hall and all Ottawa Police stations.

The Ottawa Police Service wants to speak to witnesses of today’s shooting incidents. Witnesses are to call Ottawa Police at 613-236-1222, ext 5493.

Those with tips regarding the shooting incidents, or those looking to report suspicious activity, can call 613-236-1222 or call 9-1-1.

Anonymous tips can be submitted by calling Crime Stoppers at 613-233-8477(TIPS), toll free at 1-800-222-8477 or by downloading the Ottawa Police iOS app.

Cats are irresistibly drawn to circles

And here are the photos to prove it.

Snappy coroner's answers to stupid cross-examiner's questions


"How can you be sure [the patient wasn't alive] Doctor?" "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

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Music: "You Were Cool," The Mountain Goats (2015)

I liked this a lot.

Top Saudi cleric: "Twitter is the source of all evil"

Also devastation, lies, falsehood, etc., warns Abdul Aziz Al-Sheik. [BBC]

Megahex - An occult-dressed stoner comic

Megahex, by Simon Hanselmann, is a collection of his Megg and Mogg strips, first featured on his Girl Mountain Tumblr. The comic is an existential stoner tale that is part Furry Freak Brothers, part Beavis and Butthead, and part Jean Paul Sartre (with some Jackass thrown in for good measure).

The comic concerns Megg, a green-skinned witch, her familiar/friend, the cigarette and weed puffing black cat, Mogg, and a whack-a-doodle supporting cast: Owl (an anthropomorphized owl), Mike (a warlock), Robot (guess), Booger (a female Boogeyman), and Werewolf Jones (who likes to cheese-grate his scrotum). This bizarre group of friends do little more than sit around, bong-ripping themselves into oblivion, while playing cruel pranks on each other and pontificating on the state of their miserable lives. The witch, warlock, and other horror movie “dress,” at first seems superfluous (the series takes its name and affect from the 70s Meg and Mog comics, about a witch and her cat). But after awhile, it’s obvious that the monstrous nature of the characterization is an outward expression of crippling alienation and how they truly feel about themselves. They are not monsters, they just feel that way.

It would be easy to dismiss Megahex as another stoner comic. But there’s so much lurking beneath the seemingly superficial surfaces – questions about friendship, loyalty, love, drug addiction, sexual identity, and hopelessness. There are plenty of hysterical Darwin Award-worthy situations in Megahex, but that’s not likely to be your takeaway. And what you’ll leave with is far scarier than any spook house frights; the fear of looking deeply at yourself in the mirror and finding a monster (or nothing) in your place.

Note: I love that more publishers are starting to do book tour videos, where an unseen hand pages through the book. You can see one such video for Megahex here.

Megahex by Simon Hanselmann

Take a look at other beautiful paper books at Wink. And sign up for the Wink newsletter to get all the reviews and photos delivered once a week.

Challenger for Michele Bachmann's seat offers "money back guarantee" if he ever lobbies or takes special-interest money

John Denny's standing as an independent in the Minnesota Sixth District, running against Michele Bachmann's successor, and has offered a "legally binding" contract to forfeit his salary and a sum equal to twice any contribution should he ever lobby or take campaign money that puts him in a conflict of interest.

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LEGO jewelry

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Artist emiko oye has been making Lego jewelry since 2006.

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Microsoft puts Nokia brand out of its misery

"Microsoft Mobile's website is filled with words," writes Pete Pachal, "but one that you won't find is Nokia"

Apart from images and a single reference from a module powered by the Nokia Facebook page (which apparently hasn't yet gotten the message), the Nokia brand is entirely absent. ... After partnering with Nokia in early 2011, Microsoft paid $7.2 billion in 2013 to acquire the company's device business, a deal that closed in April 2014. Soon after, Microsoft announced it would lay off 18,000 workers, the majority because of the Nokia deal. Microsoft dropping the Nokia brand for its devices represents the end of an era.

I love that Microsoft has obliterated the Nokia marque, but still uses UMPC, its decade-old tablet branding.

“Yellow,” Neill Blomkamp online short (2006)

Yellow,” an online branded short film for Adidas was the last thing Neill Blomkamp directed before “District 9.”

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Adobe walks into Gamergate, staggers around confusedly

Adobe is the second major US tech firm to blunder into Gamergate, the hashtag crusade aimed at female game developers, feminists, and the journalists accused of helping them ruin manly game culture.

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WATCH: Teddy the porcupine grunts and squeaks over Halloween treats

I had no idea porcupines made these weird sounds of pleasure. They sound like erotic pugs.

[video link, via Reddit]

WATCH: Photo Math, a smartphone camera calculator

I'm math-brain handicapped, and wish I'd had this all my life.

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WATCH: Dispense ice-cold candies from your refrigerator's ice dispenser

Give this man a Nobel diabeetus prize.

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