We can thank global warming for at least one piece of good news: the retreating ice pack has revealed the remains of an alien space ship hidden for millennia beneath Antarctic snow.
And that’s about as factual as this week’s tabloids get in yet another truth-challenged week’s reporting.
JonBenet Ramsey’s killer has been found (allegedly a “jailed sex pervert” being protected by police), Priscilla Presley has called off her wedding to “sex perv” singer Tom Jones (as if that was ever going to happen), and Prince Charles’ wife Camilla “runs for her life” terrified that he will “shut her mouth ‘permanently’ like his murdered first wife Princess Diana,” according to the facts-be-damned ‘Globe.’
Tiger Woods is in a “tragic death spiral” after his DUI arrest, and “friends fear the fallen idol may be suicidal,” claims an unnamed source.
A word of advice to ‘Globe’ reporters: People don’t usually talk in rabid tabloid headlines, so it’s hard to believe that anyone actually said: “His shocking mug shot is the face of a man who’s lost everything and doesn’t know where to turn. There are fears he may kill himself!” His mug shot is far from “shocking” - it’s the face of a bleary-eyed guy who’d rather be back in bed letting his attorneys clean up his mess. And he knows exactly where to turn: to the right, for his profile mug shot photo.
It’s enough to drive any editor to drink, which is perhaps why boozing celebrities remain an obsession at the ‘Globe,’ which claims that Hillary Clinton is “chugging two bottles of wine every day,” and that Prince Charles’ wife Camilla “has been guzzling anything she can get her hands on” as “constant fear fuels her nonstop drinking.”
Former ‘Friends’ star Matthew Perry is “fat & sloppy” reports the ‘National Enquirer,’ world-renown as the ultimate arbiter of high fashion and healthy weight maintenance, where any celebrity who gains an extra pound must “diet or die,” or if they lose a single pound are condemned for “starving themselves to death.”
Angelina Jolie took four of her children to visit the La Brea Tar Pits in Los Angeles, bringing along two other kids, prompting the ‘Enquirer’ to speculate that “she plans to grow her family without Brad.” Because there’s no way the additional children could simply be friends of her kids, is there?. Read the rest