Vladimir Putin is a vampire, Elvis Presley’s “seven secret love children” have been found, Angelina Jolie is suffering a “new cancer horror," and flamboyant "fitness guru" Richard Simmons is suffering a “mental breakdown,” according to this week’s fact-challenged Globe tabloid.
Accuracy, balance and logic evidently weren’t among the gifts left by Santa in the Globe's Christmas stocking this year.
Photographs of Putin look-alikes from 1920 and 1941 provoke the Globe to report that “investigators suggest he’s a vampire who has walked the Earth for a century or more!”
Barely more plausible are Elvis’s seven love children, exposed “following an exhaustive, two-year, world-wide investigation.” Or they could just have read back issues of the tabloids, where most of these claimants have previously told their stories, dating back to 1991. They range in plausibility from the offspring of women who claimed to have had one-night stands with the King, to Lisa Johansen who insists she was Presley’s daughter living with Elvis at Graceland until his 1977 death, when she was whisked to Sweden for her own safety and replaced by imposter Lisa Marie. Read the rest