Arbitrary Stupid Goal: a memoir of growing up under the tables of the best restaurant in New York

To call Shopsin's "a Greenwich Village institution" was to understate something profound and important and weird and funny: Shopsin's (first a grocery store, later a restaurant) was a kind of secret reservoir of the odd and wonderful and informal world that New York City once represented, in the pre-Trumpian days of Sesame Street and Times Square sleaze: Tamara Shopsin grew up in Shopsin's, and Arbitrary Stupid Goal is her new, "no-muss memoir," is at once charming and sorrowing, a magnificent time-capsule containing the soul of a drowned city.

Can gluten-free bread transubstantiate?

Writing in his official capacity, Archbishop Secretary Arthur Roche has published a letter detailing the Vatican's position on gluten-free Eucharist. Read the rest

Lollipops that look like "creature eyeballs"

Vintage Confections' $19 Creature Eyeball lollipop assortments come in an assortment of six flavors ("Blackberry, Marshmallow, Cotton candy, Green apple, Strawberry, Guava") and an assortment of creepy eyeball designs. (via Crazy Abalone) Read the rest

A DRM-locked, $400 tea-brewing machine from the Internet of Shit timeline

Did you buy a useless $400 "smart" juicer and now feel the need to accessorize it with more extrusions from the Internet of Shit timeline? Then The Leaf from Teaforia is just the thing: it's a tea-maker that uses DRM-locked tea-pods to brew tea in your kitchen so you don't have to endure the hassle of having the freedom to decide whose tea you brew in your tea-brewing apparatus, and so that you can contribute to the impending environmental apocalypse by generating e-waste every time you make a cup of tea. Read the rest

Trollcakes: sleuthing bakers will hunt down your trolls, inscribe their hate in icing, and deliver edible words

Ever wish the anonymous jerks who comments on your online life would be made to eat their words? Wish no more, Trollcakes is here. Read the rest

Popeyes coats fried chicken in cookie-crumbs, serves with jam

Popeyes is now serving a limited-time "Sweet and Tender" chicken dish that involves dredging nuggets of chicken slurry in shortbread-cookie dust, then serving it with high-fructose corn syrup jam. Read the rest

Most Chipotle restaurants were hacked by credit-card stealing malware

Did you think you got away clean when you ate at Chipotle without dying of listeria? Not so fast! Read the rest

Neil Gaiman will read the Cheesecake Factory menu if we raise $500K for the UN High Commission on Refugees

The campaign to raise $500K for the UN High Commission on Refugees started with author/comedian Sara Benincasa daring Neil Gaiman to do a dramatic reading of the Cheesecake Factory menu; Gaiman responded that if she raised the half-mil, he'd not only read the Cheesecake Factory's (notoriously florid) menu, he'd follow up with a reading of Dr Seuss's Fox in Socks if the funds hit $1m (I hasten to point out that this activity involves some risk to Gaiman, given the Seuss estate's penchant for bullying acts of copyfraud). Read the rest

Crashed computer at Oslo pizzeria reveals covert facial recognition scheme

This screen from a crashed point-of-sale screen at an Oslo pizzeria reveals that the restaurant was covertly scanning and analyzing the facial expressions of each customer, identifying their age, gender, affect, and attentiveness. Read the rest

Juice is basically sugar-water

Fruit is good for you; fruit-juice is mostly sugar and water, and what's more, getting your calories from liquids does not invoke your satiety response meaning that you stay hungry even after consuming crazy amounts of calories. Read the rest

The Sandwich Alignment Chart (cue John Hodgman's exploding head!)

@matttomic's Sandwich Alignment Chart isn't just an amusing and thought-provoking taxonomy of sandwiches (though it certainly is that!). Read the rest

Doritos sold a bag of chips with a semidisposable MP3 player

The Doritos' Guardians of the Galaxy 2 chips sold with a MP3 player containing the movie's full soundtrack, a pair of retro headphones of the sort that airlines used to hand out for free, even in coach, and a USB charging cable. Read the rest

No matter how cool superblack activated charcoal food looks, it's a bad idea

Activated charcoal makes for some cool-looking chow, like the superblack soft-serve at LA's Little Damage, and you might think that since activated charcoal is given to people with acute poisoning, it's safe to eat. Read the rest

Superblack soft-serve ice-cream

The Little Damage ice-cream shop near downtown LA has unveiled a new, superblack soft-serve flavor called "Almond Charcoal" whose coloring comes from activated charcoal. Read the rest

Bake: a Piescraper that towers over the dessert-table

Pie-hacking baker Jessica Leigh Clark-Bojin (AKA @thePieous) writes, "I've been experimenting with pushing the boundaries of pie design for just over a year now, but my big white whale - how to make pies 'tall' - had always eluded me... until today. Meet my new invention: Piescrapers! What is a Piescraper? Essentially a pie that is built 'up' using a series of engineering and baking tricks to enhance structural integrity and make tall pies stable, and delicious!" Read the rest

In 1965, CIA agents were fired for staging a "free for all" food-fight in the cafeteria

The wording of the memo, dated 15 Sept 1965, suggests that this wasn't the first time it had happened and not even the first time the CIA had to fire agents for food-fighting. Read the rest

Your squeezing hands outperform this $400 IoT juicer

Juicero is a self-parodying high-tech juicing machine that raised millions in venture capital on the promise of delivering a highly calibrated squeeze to a pack of mulch sold in expensive, DRM-locked pouches, for a mere $400. Read the rest

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