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Exclusive excerpt: first three chapters of "The Glorkian Warrior Delivers a Pizza"

Yesterday, I reviewed James Kolchaka's new graphic novel for kids, The Glorkian Warrior Delivers a Pizza, which made my six year old daughter laugh until she cried (I liked it too).

Today, I'm delighted to bring you the first three chapters of Glorkian Warrior, an exclusive courtesy of publishers FirstSecond.

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James Kochalka's "The Glorkian Warrior Delivers a Pizza"


I have never heard my daughter laugh as loud or as long as she did when I read her James Kochalka new kids' graphic novel, The Glorkian Warrior Delivers a Pizza. My six year old literally howled with laughter as I read this to her at bedtime, and kicked her legs in the air, and thumped the pillow -- tears of laughter rolled down her cheeks. After reading this to her twice at bedtime, I had to declare a moratorium on further bedtime reads because it wound her up too much to sleep.

I loved it too. The Glorkian Warrior is a dopey, destiny-seeking superhero who finds himself on a quest when he intercepts a wrong-number pizza-order and decides to deliver the leftover pizza in his fridge. His straight-man is his wisecracking, laser-zapping sentient backpack, which helps him fight off a giant mecha-suited doofus named Gonk, a mysterious pizza-snatching saucer-craft, and a magic robot in an impenetrable fortress.

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Business Software Alliance accused of pirating the photo they used in their snitch-on-pirates ad


The Business Software Alliance -- a proprietary software industry group -- has pulled a controversial ad that promised cash to people who snitched on friends and employers who used pirated software, after they were credibly accused of pirating the image used in the campaign.

The ad used a photo of a pot of gold, captioned with "Your pot of gold is right here baby. Report unlicensed software and GET PAID." The photo used in the ad was of a cake baked by Cakecentral user Bethasd (the cake itself is pretty amazing! "St. Patrick's Day Pot O' Gold - Chocolate Guinness cake with Bailey's Irish Buttercream").

The BSA has refused to comment on its use of the photo, or to confirm that it was licensed prior to use, but they immediately pulled the ad after being asked about it. Meanwhile, Torrentfreak "encourage[s] 'bethasd' to get in contact with the software industry group, and demand both licensing fees and damages for the unauthorized use of her photo. Surely, the BSA will be happy to hand over a pot of gold to her."

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HOWTO make your own chocolate chip cookie milk-cups

On Instructables, Klee67 has remade the chocolate chip cookie shot glass recipe in a home version that anyone can bake. Her tutorial starts with a modified version of the Serious Eats "Best Chocolate Chip Cookie" (increasing the flour and beating more), baked in a popover pan with molds made from corks, foil, paper towel rolls and baking parchment. She's still looking for a viable glaze to keep the seepage to a minimum. Do you have any ideas?

Here's a review of the Mark II cookie-cups that cronut inventor Dominique Ansel sells at his NYC bakery.

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Star Wars cup ad, 1977: you like laser swords, right?

Matt sez, "The Danny Devito-like schlub in this ad feigning excitement for 'Stah Woiz' and its 'layzah swoids' in order to pawn off some collectible cups has had me laughing all evening."

Star Wars Cups (1977) - Majik Market Commercial (Thanks, Matt!)

Spaghetti flavored popsicles

Japan's Gari-Gari Kun ("Crunchy Crunchy Boy") popsicles now come in spaghetti flavor with tomato jelly -- they also do rice cake and bean-paste and corn potage stew.

Oh Goodness, Japan Is Getting Spaghetti Popsicles [Brian Ashcraft/Kotaku]

(via Oh Gizmo)

Miami Crimestoppers head eats a tip rather than hand it over to defense lawyer

Richard Masten is the executive director of Miami-Dade Crime Stoppers, a service that promises anonymity to the people who send in tips on serious crimes. So when a judge ordered him to hand over a tip -- with potentially identifying information -- to a defendant's lawyer, he ate it.

As Lowering the Bar points out, this is probably more of a symbolic gesture than a real defense of his source's anonymity, since there's likely a file-copy at Crimestoppers itself. Masten is going back to court this week to receive a punishment from the judge: "I'll bring a toothbrush and some pajamas."

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Tasting the chocolate-chip cookie milk-cups


In case you were wondering how the milk-cups made from warm chocolate-chip cookies tasted, it sounds like they were pretty darned good, especially once the recipe was changed so that the cups were lined with shellac instead of chocolate (which melted when the cups were reheated prior to filling).

Cronut inventor chef Dominique Ansel sells the cups in $25 eight-packs, or you can buy up to two milk-filled shots at the NYC bakery for $3 each. He also sells his vanilla-infused milk in takeout bottles.

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Chocolate cookie milk shots: milk tumblers made from chocolate chip cookies


An Instagram post from cronut creator Dominique Ansel announced his new invention: a milk-tumbler made out of molded, baked chocolate cookie dough intended for serving milk. The "Chocolate Chip Cookie Milk Shots" will debut at SXSW.

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Cookie geometry with Vi Hart

Vi Hart, the Internet's favorite manic vlogging mathematician, has released a new video in which she teams up with math artists Andrea Hawksley and Gwen Fisher, and Gwen's sister Ruth of Sweets by Ruth. The four of them bake satisfyingly precise and geometric gingerbread polygons, then build up a variety of astounding three dimensional forms by piecing them together with icing. The video is both hunger-inspiring and brain-inspiring, and is likely to be the best thing you watch this week.

Cookie Shapes

Cola-flavored soy-milk

Exactly what it sounds like: 46 calories per 200ml.

Muppets tea-ad is brilliant (shame about the tea)

"Be More Tea," an ad for Lipton's tea, is sheer genius: Kermit finds himself tempest-tossed in a hard, uncaring version of Manhattan where everyone is an avatar of Animal. Through calmness and good nature, he tames the city and rescues Miss Piggy. It's a lovely message about the power to change the world by changing how you respond to it, and funny besides.

Shame that the tea isn't very good.

How To #BeMoreTea with Lipton & The Muppets! (via IO9)

Pies Are Round: why a big pizza is a better deal


The "squared" in Pi(R)^2 means that the area of a pizza grows exponentially polynomially in relation to its diameter. As an interactive graph on Planet Money demonstrates, pizza places generally underprice their bigger pies relative to the amount of food contained in each. This is probably because energy and labor inputs account for the largest slice of the pizza-baking ahem pie, and ingredients are way down on the balance-sheet. Whatever the reason, if you're interested in getting more food for less money, larger pies are almost always a substantially better deal.

74,476 Reasons You Should Always Get The Bigger Pizza [Quoctrung Bui/Planet Money]

(via IO9)

Forgotten Foods: reviving weird old food and figuring out what should be brought back


Meg Favreau writes, "I thought you guys might be interested in this column I've been writing for the last year-ish -- I scour old cookbooks for once-popular recipes that have fallen out of favor, explore the (often weird) history of the food, and provide a recipe. Favorites include Welsh rarebit (the OG bachelor food, cooked in proto-microwave chafing dishes, and known for causing dreams so batshit that Little Nemo creator Winsor McCay did a long-running strip just about rarebit nightmares), beef tea (the chicken soup of its day, which tastes like hamburger water in the best way), and a Halloween about a booklet that juxtaposes candy recipes with testimonials about feminine ills (That ended up being posted on Table Matters' non-food sister site).

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Performance artist frosts and shares cake on NYC subway

Performance artist Bettina Banayan has conducted a number of interventions on the NYC subway, but this one, in which she frosts, decorates, and shares a cake with her fellow commuters, is my favorite. Unlike the other performances, which largely revolve around making people uncomfortable (or at least discomfited), the punchline of "Subway Cake Performance 02/11/14" is a subway car full of happy people whose life in the city has been made sweeter and friendlier.

Performance - Bettina Banayan (via Neatorama)

Butterflies rendered in pancake


I though making a banana slice and some raisins into a face was something. Pancake artiste Nathan Shields recreated nine of nature's most wondrous butterflies in batter, producing a carby, gluteny batterfly museum that puts my cookery to shame.

Butterflies (via Neatorama)

More Escher tessellated cookies


Fdecomite has revisited his tessellated Escher cookie-cutters, with a new set of cutters and some new baking that he's posted to the Boing Boing Flickr pool.

Yet another set of Escher cookie cutters

Tessellated Escher cookies


In the Boing Boing Flickr Pool the fractal-obsessed Fdecomite posts the latest iteration in a series of experiments with tessellated, Escher cookie-cutters. Bake-time expansion creates irregularities that lead to a chewy (literally) series of interlock-imperfections, which give old MC's classic a bio-organic air that rather invigorates it.

You can 3D print interlocking lizard cutters with a free model from Thingiverse. Fdecomite, if you're reading this, please post in the comments with a link to the cookie cutters you used here!

Update: From the comments, Fdecomite writes, "Hi, those are cookie cutters I made from aluminium foil.I also made some 3D printed Escher cookie cutters you can find in my Shapeways shop.

Escher Cookie Cutters - The Sequel

Hungry man defeats TSA's war on peanut butter by spreading it on crackers

An airline passenger with a medical condition requiring small amounts of food at regular intervals was stymied when the LHA TSA declared his peanut butter to be a "liquid." But he cleverly spread the peanut butter onto some saltines, whereupon it was no longer a liquid and was allowed on the flight. USA USA USA. (Thanks, Alice!)

BALLS candies: vintage sexist advertising


Oh, the 1970s, when "Women's Lib" could be commodified by sugar-pushers with products like "BALLS" -- candy to give you courage. The jokes in this ad don't even qualify as double-entendres, more like 1.2 entendres. They make Three's Company gags seem sophisticated by comparison. But that T-shirt, on the other hand: sheer hilarity.

Contest Entry: Who says women don't have balls?

DIY candy D20s


Mel Li writes, "I made some candy D20's using a two-part silicone mold for my Magic: The Gathering playgroup. Colors indicate different flavors: Gold/multicolor: Butterscotch Black: Dark chocolate Green: Mint White: White chocolate Blue: Food coloring + white chocolate Mold is made from food-grade silicone molded around a Wizards of the Coast 'spindown' D20"

Mel's the person who made the DNA bread I posted earlier; as as before, she's included some photos of the build for after the jump. Check out her whole Flickr stream, she's amazing; there's cosplay, illustration and painting, toymodding, nerd baking, hardware hacking, and much more.

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DNA bread


Mel Li sends us "Images of the DIY DNA bread (and accompanying build process) I made for a labmate's qualifying exam referring to her research on DNA migration through paper for applications in small, affordable global health disease diagnostics.In this food, pretzels indicate base pairs, the color parts are candy fluorophores. Two kinds of fluorphores which bind to DNA are indicated: [1] intercalating dyes (Green), or [2] oligo probe (Red/Yellow/Green) & FRET quencher (Purple/Blue)."

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Just look at this stand-up made of rotten banana peels.


Just look at it.

Dark Forces by Matthew j Mahoney

(via Neatorama)

Arrested for "stealing" food that grocery chain threw away

In the UK, the Crown Prosecution Service is pressing criminal charges against three men who dumpster-dived discarded food from the skip behind an Iceland grocery store in London. They've charged under "an obscure section of the 1824 Vagrancy Act." The CPS is going ahead with the charges because "we feel there is significant public interest in prosecuting these three individuals". Pirate Cinema is not an instruction manual, gang.

Severed bride-and-groom-heads wedding cake


Natalie is the proprietor of Austin's Side Serf Cakes. When she married Dave, they had a "Til Death Do Us Part"-themed wedding, whose centerpiece was this amazing cake that resembled their severed heads on a platter.

The Most Gruesome Wedding Cake Ever [Dmitry/Design You Trust] (via WTBW)

HOWTO season a cast-iron pan -- with SCIENCE


Sheryl Canter's post on the science of cast-iron pan seasoning is a fascinating and practical tale of flaxseed and kitchen chemistry. It's a long process -- you need to season the pan six or so times, each time taking a couple of hours -- but the science is sound and the proof is in the hard, nonstick coating your pan will have when you're done.

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Food studio that makes edible fireworks, four-ton punchbowls, and floats a steamship in 55K litres of green jelly

Bompas and Parr are a London-based "food-nerd" studio that makes weird and amazing foodstuffs, including an edible fireworks display for New Years Eve that showered revelers with strawberry smoke, peach-flavored snow, orange bubbles and banana confetti. In a fascinating profile in Wired, they reveal something of their methodology and their portfolio, which sounds delicious and ambitious.

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Bartender places Tony Blair under citizen's arrest for unprovoked war against Iraq


Twiggy Garcia, a bartender at the east London restaurant Tramshed -- which is right around the corner from me! -- interrupted former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair's dinner to place him under citizen's arrest and ask him to come to a police station to hear charges for his decision "to launch an unprovoked war against Iraq." The war criminal smiled winningly and tried to change the subject to Syria, while his offspring hurried away to get their private muscle. The bartender, sensing an impending beat-down, left, quitting.

I'm sorry he quit. I'd have booked a table at Tramshed for the express purpose of buying him a drink. If you're interested in placing Tony Blair under arrest, you can learn more at Arrestblair.org.

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Nostril-wedged maggots of Portsmouth: Otorhinolaryngologist's expert opinion explained

More on yesterday's story about a nasal-wedged maggot scare in Portsmouth, RI's middle school (refresher: the Portsmouth Middle School sent parents a terrifying letter warning of a student Smartie-snorting epidemic and predicting that children would end up with maggots in their noses that feasted upon the sugar residue).

John McDaid, the investigative blogger who broke the story, tracked down Dr. Oren Friedman, Associate Professor, Otorhinolaryngology at the University of Pennsylvania, who was quoted in the letter the school sent home as warning that "frequent snorting could even rarely lead to maggots feeding on the sugary dust wedged inside the nose."

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Parfaitzilla: the dessert that ate Japan


Last year, Mochihead posted this image of a magnificent parfait from an unspecified Japanese restaurant. It leaves me with only one question: What are the rest of you having? (via Pipedreamdragon)