Man builds "BlowJob Robot"

Today in Poe's law comes an advertisement for "Arlan Robotics Service Droid 1.0" (NSFW), which is basically a nightmarish silicone parody of a woman's head mounted on a machine that lurches back and forth like a Victorian automaton bobbing for apples. I thought it was a parody, but technical features are demonstrated ("stop with a single hand", "suction on demand") that indicate otherwise. Read the rest

Classic remix: Bill O'Reilly will do it live

To celebrate the abusive lying bastard's sacking by Fox News, let's once again enjoy this classic dance remix of his legendary meltdown from the "brown acrylic wig" era of his career.

The original:

Read the rest

Watch this troubling NSFW PSA from the #ThatsHarassment campaign

When Cosmo was auditioning models for this PSA on sexual harassment, 90% of the women who auditioned said they'd had a similar sexually inappropriate experience. It's one of six in the series. Read the rest

Ridgemont High's NSFW pool scene from a 1984 scrambled cable signal

NOTE: The video has a strobe effect. Caution is advised if you are susceptible to seizures.

If you are of a certain age, you may remember the thrill of those fleeting moments of crystal clear video broadcast in a scrambled cable signal. If you're not of a certain age, now you can get a sense of the sufferings of your elders. Here's the scrambled pool scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High from Tele1st in Chicago, but it could be from any 1980s motel. Read the rest

Restaurant freakout in Santa Monica, California

A woman delivered an obscenity-laden rant when she spied a couple kissing each other at a fast food restaurant. One of her mildest statements was, "Excuse me! This is a place where you eat, not where you make out. Go get a room!"

Highlights (compiled by reader Bishop Hicks):

Woman collects her food and is about to leave but realizes she needs a win and turns around and demands her money back

The collective groan that goes up from the people in line when she calls someone a foreigner and says "I'm an American!"

Money quote: "They were having sex in front of my food!"

The boyfriend videoed the encounter, he wrote:

Last night my girlfriend of four years and I were waiting patiently for a lady to order her food at this restaurant in Santa Monica, and I had my arms around her from behind and maybe kissed her on the top of the head once or twice, but that was the extent of it.

Out of nowhere, the lady (who was finalizing her transaction) looks at us and exclaims emphatically how inappropriate PDA was and how uncomfortable it was making her. I thought she was joking because of how little we were actually making contact. I turned and kissed my girlfriend on the cheek and made a loud smack, and that’s where she really lost it. I immediately knew I had to get this on camera, so that’s about where the video picks up.

We tried to stay as calm as possible.

Read the rest

American of Italian descent has house for sale

Enjoy Joe Pitzo's charming, verge-of-tears tour of a house he recently inherited. Vertical video is surely the least of his NSFW sins. Now, it's true that one can never be sure anyone is who they say they are on the internet, but as a man of Italian descent, I do recommend a home inspector who has a nice ground-penetrating radar. We all cope in different ways. Read the rest

Family has unorthodox plan for opening stuck elevator doors

A young man and a 6-year-old were stuck in an elevator at St. Lucia's Royalton hotel. Maintenance staff were summoned to get them out, but didn't arrive within 10 minutes. A minor rampage commenced, which, along with the phrase "There's no cameras, right?", was captured on camera.

Based upon the findings on display in this video, I've created a useful guide to getting people out of a stuck elevator.

• Declare "I'm recording this, and posting this." • Pull the fire alarms. Pull every fire alarm possible. • Scream "We're not worrying! It's not your fucking kids! We've been having problems with you fucking people! Fuck off!" at staff. • Fantasize about busting the doors open with your bare hands. • Fetch a tool that might actually break open the doors from the outside, then begin to do so. • If you are trapped in the elevator, yell "Just break these fuckin' doors, pussies! Get me out this fuckin' thing!" • When freed, threaten to kill the staff. • Upload all the above the internet so the public may watch it.

Previously: How to behave in an elevator. Read the rest

Enjoy a startling "vintage cigarette commercial" from Japan

This is presented on the viral internet as a clever 1991 cigarette commercial for "Sutaffu" cigarettes, but it appears to be from Topknot Detective, an Australian entry in the annals of Steve Oedekerk-style problematic remix humor. Note: includes child subjected to offscreen slapstick violence.

Here is an indisputably real Japanese cigarette commercial from 1991, introducing Sir Charles Sheen as himself:

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Prankster sends a 419 scammer into a NSFW rage

Kvatch of The Hoax Hotel is masterful at playing rubes who fall for online scams. In this gem, he keeps an "FBI agent" named "Josh" on the line for nearly 22 minutes, riling him up until he's "the angriest scammer I've ever called." Read the rest

An awesome bong packed full of 'frop takes your Slack to the next level

Happy Mutants! All hail Boing Boing’s new sponsor Herbtools!

Ever wonder why J. R. "Bob" Dobbs wears that perpetual smile? It's the habifropzipulops mariphasa lupina in his pipe. When smoked, this remarkable herb, which grows on yeti droppings in Tibet, succeeds where science fails: removing the terror of the The Gods.

When that fear grabs you, grab a bong o' 'frop, my friend!

Bikini bongs not only offer a shortcut to Slack, they look great too! Let other natty psychonauts know you’re flying the flag of cognitive freedom, right in the middle of your very own living room, cell, or bathysphere on the floor of the Marianas Trench! Bongs are great for attracting fellow Discordians, Happy Mutants, and SubGenii, as well as scaring off the pinks and gorps.

Some find power in their bong! Legend has it that Yog-Sothoth, his own bad self, hit the 'frop from a bong fashioned from a yeti skull.

Well mannered 'frop-heads know that being cool is the rule! Revel in your Slack. Embody it. Feel the vibrations of the universe as you vigorously bubble fumes of Klaatu himself though the wondrous head of a grey overlord! Remember your youth, or your future, with a Bikini bong! I know I left mine around here some place...

Remember, with frop as with everything: too much is always better than not enough!

Herbtools has amazing bongs! Read the rest

Watch the short film adaptation of William Gibson's "The Gernsback Continuum"

NSFW: Tomorrow Calling (1993) is a short film adaptation for television of William Gibson's 1981 short story "The Gernsback Continuum," from the seminal cyberpunk anthology Mirrorshades (1986), edited by Bruce Sterling, and Gibson's own Burning Chrome (1986) collection. Directed by Tim Leandro, Tomorrow Calling was first shown on Channel 4 in the UK.

Read the rest

Awesome guy with NSFW Tourette syndrome uses a power washer

Lewis Qball chronicles his life with Tourette syndrome. He recently cleaned a driveway with a powerwasher, creating the greatest NSFW powerwashing/Tourette mashup in history. Read the rest

Site is calling BS on crappy data visualization and other annoyances

The Principle of Proportional Ink is a great primer on how to avoid what Carl Bergstrom and Jevin West call "visual bullshit," like this craptacular graph above. The rule is very simple: Read the rest

Dashcam: police chase almost ends in head-on collision

Phil Huddy, parked at an intersection, has little time to respond to an oncoming driver fleeing the cops. Salty language ahoy! Read the rest

Now you too can own a 1988 Lincoln Town Car with a stripper pole

The North Hills Auto Mall in Pittsburgh has in its inventory a burgundy 1988 Lincoln Town Car in excellent condition with only 72,000 miles on the block, a 5-liter V8 engine, automatic four-speed transmission, cruise control, power steering, air conditioning, and a stripper pole.

THIS IS A CUSTOM ''CONVERTIBLE'' LIMO WITH A ''STRIPPERS POLE'' IN IT. SOUTHAMTON COACH WORKS, NY, NY. BRAND NEW INSPECTION AND everything works, SILKY ~ SILKY PLAYA. RUNS EXCELLENT.

It's all yours for $14,999. [Thanks, Heather!] Read the rest

69 Cock Lane is yours for £449,950, but is it Britain's naughtiest address?

The Evening Standard's Tom Marshall reports that 69 Cock Lane, a nondescript semi-detached house in Fetcham, England, might be "Britain's rudest address." I beg to differ, but there are sadly no more Gropecunt Lanes in the age of that word's offensiveness. Read the rest

Interview with director of freaky competitive tickling documentary

Bobby Hankinson interviewed director David Farrier about the craziest documentary of 2016: Tickled, which just premiered on HBO. I don't want to say too much. Just watch it. Read the rest

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