Trumpscript: a programming language based on the rhetorical tactics of Donald Trump

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Trumpscript -- a python variant -- only allows numbers over 1,000,000; has no import statements (all declarations must be homegrown); only has integers because floating-point numbers are un-American (America never does anything halfway); only allows popular words and the names of politicians as variable names; limits error messages to direct Trump quotes; and requires that all programs end with "America is great." Read the rest

The Democratic Party's SOPA-loving, Snowden-hating, Hillary-partisan power-broker has her first-ever primary challenger

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Debbie Wasserman Schultz is a powerful, corrupt Democratic Party official, the chair of the DNC who has tilted the rules to give the advantage to Hillary Clinton (Wasserman Schultz co-chaired the Clinton 2008 campaing), publicly threatened staffers who questioned her Clinton partisanship, voted against medical marijuana, co-sponsored SOPA, demanded the extradition and prosecution of Edward Snowden, takes massive corporate donations, and stands unopposed for the Democratic Party nomination in South Florida in every election -- except this one. Read the rest

Arizona starts using Facebook and Twitter to publicly shame 'Deadbeat Dads'

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Fathers in Arizona who aren't delivering court-ordered child support payments may discover their mugs plastered all over social media soon. Arizona governor Doug Ducey this week unveiled a bizarre new name-and-shame campaign to publicly mock so-called “deadbeat dads,” a crackdown on "the worst of the worst" parents who fail to make child support payments.

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Rich Americans are embarrassed by Donald Trump

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It must suck to have spent good money on an office or apartment in an upscale business with "TRUMP" on the front of it, only to wake up one morning and discover that your real estate investment has forever become synonymous with a crass, racist, sexist election campaign. Read the rest

Keep your scythe, the real green future is high-tech, democratic, and radical

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"Radical ecology" has come to mean a kind of left-wing back-to-the-landism that throws off consumer culture and mass production for a pastoral low-tech lifestyle. But as the brilliant science journalist and Marxist Leigh Phillips writes in Austerity Ecology & the Collapse-Porn Addicts: A Defence Of Growth, Progress, Industry And Stuff, if the left has a future, it has to reclaim its Promethean commitment to elevating every human being to a condition of luxurious, material abundance and leisure through technological progress.

A bowel-loosening long-term geopolitical weather report

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The idea that global politics are a terrifying blend of natural disasters, belligerence, and deadly military potential isn't unique to this decade, but holy fuck, did it ever just get weird. Read the rest

Wonderful wacky portrait of a very excited Donald Trump fan

REUTERS/Brian Snyder

The visibly excited Donald Trump supporter in this photo is Ms. Robin Roy. We should all be so lucky to experience such exhilaration in this lifetime.

REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Ms. Roy was among the many fans of U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump who showed up at a campaign rally in Lowell, Massachusetts on January 4, 2016.

If you feel you need to analyze what's going on in this picture, this Washington Post item is for you.

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Young Earth Creationist will run Arizona Senate education panel

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Sylvia Allen, the GOP state Senator from Snowflake, AZ, believes the Earth is 6,000 years old. She will run the state Senate's committee to oversee educational legislation. Read the rest

Colorado Congressman Jared Polis on why he voted against the terrible, corrupt omnibus bill

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The Omnibus Budget bill that Paul Ryan crammed through Congress last week didn't just harbor a domestic mass surveillance law and a bunch of nonsensical dog-whistles about ACORN and pornography, it was also full of grotesque pork for rich people and pointless government boondoggles. Read the rest

Luke Skywalker is a jihadi who was radicalized by the Jedi

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It's hard to make sense of the politics of Star Wars (a Senate whose electees include senators that represent government agencies; an elected princess who calls a no-confidence vote, etc), but the more you think about Luke's "hero's journey," the more it starts to resemble the "radicalization" process that we're supposed to be watching out for to keep us all safe from ISIS. Read the rest

Survey results from Cards Against Humanity's Hannukah Gifts package

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People who bought Cards Against Humanity's Eight Sensible Gifts for Hannukah subscription were invited to take a survey at the end of the purchase, one that asked all kinds of weird, invasive questions -- naturally, CAH has published the results! Read the rest

Watch Charles Barkley destroy Donald Trump

The inimitable Charles Barkley goes to town on Donald Trump.

"Your life sucks because of you, not because of Hispanics.”

(TNT's "Inside the NBA," thanks UPSO!)

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Donald Trump thinks he can call Bill Gates to "close up" the internet

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It's not surprising that Donald Trump thinks censoring the Internet is a great idea. I guess it's not surprising that he thinks Bill Gates has his finger above the kill switch, either. Trump says he can call Bill Gates to "close up" the internet.

"We're losing a lot of people because of the internet. We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that internet up in some ways. Somebody will say, 'Oh freedom of speech, freedom of speech.' These are foolish people."

[via] Read the rest

World responds to Trump's proposed Muslim ban

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Yesterday, presidential candidate Donald Trump declared that he would block the entry of muslims into the U.S. His rivals immediately condemned him, but what about the international leaders that Trump imagines himself doing business with? Or, indeed, everyday people…

“For some Jews, the sight of thousands of supporters waving their fists in anger as Trump incited against Muslims and urged a blanket ban on their entry to the United States could have evoked associations with beer halls in Munich a century ago,” Shalev wrote in the Israeli daily newspaper Haaretz.

Trump’s comments were widely covered in the European media, with many outlets wondering if he went too far this time. The German daily Süddeutsche Zeitung ran an editorial with the headline, “How Donald Trump is betraying America.”

In Britain, the Daily Telegraph reported that the statement was a “bombshell” even by Trump’s standards. The Guardian wrote that he was “further out of the mainstream than he has been at any point since announcing his candidacy.”

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Army says Petraeus shouldn't be punished under military law for leaking top-secret materials

Former General David Petraeus with lover-hagiographer Paula Broadwell

The Washington Post reports that the U.S. Army is recommending retired general David H. Petraeus not face further punishment for screwing his biographer and leaking top-secret materials to her.

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Jeb Bush internet domain now redirects to Donald Trump's campaign website

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The 2016 GOP candidates have had a slew of embarrassing domain name losses, but the sudden redirect of JebBush.com to DonaldJTrump.com today is pretty epic.

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Ralph Peters calls President Obama a "total pussy" on TV

Retired US Army lieutenant colonel and Fox News commentator Ralph Peters's comment on live TV after President Obama's Oval Office address yesterday about ISIS:

"We’re angry. We’re pissed off. We’re furious. We want to see you react. We want you to do something. You’re afraid. I mean, this guy is such a total pussy it’s stunning."

(Washington Post)

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