Simpsons porn parody finally out; is so super brain-hurty

"SIMPSONS -- THE XXX PARODY!" [Video Link, work-safe other than groaning porny sounds]. You can order it here. I am no stranger to porn and am no prude, but this is so unsettling on so many levels. I need to go be alone for a little while with some hot tea and a kitten.

(via The Daily What) Read the rest

Sperm Wars (BB Flickr Pool)

An illustration contributed to the Boing Boing Flickr Pool by BB reader Phil Jones (website) Read the rest

Lady Gaga Kathy Griffin end-of-DADT fan homage art: "I Won't Tell if You Won't"

Paul Richmond writes,

I am writing to share my new painting inspired by "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (and featuring diva allies Lady Gaga and Kathy Griffin), which will be on display at en exhibit in NYC opening this week.
More here, including the un-cropped NSFW image (frontal male nudity). Read the rest

Man Eater sex toy: offer of a product review sample

Today, I received the following email from Mae Schultz, marketing campaign manager of Good Vibrations.
Hi Mark,

Would you be interested in reviewing Good Vibrations newest male sex toy the "Man Eater from Outer Space"? Feel free to write whatever you'd like about it, I'd be happy to send you a sample.

Have a great day, Mae

Man Eaters From Outer Space Waterproof Vibrator: $29.00 Read the rest

Barnacle penises are really fascinating

By the time we see them—usually while doing boat maintenance—barnacles hardly seem alive. Even when they are more active, these animals are basically immobile. So you'd never suspect that barnacles are the species with the longest penis, relative to body size, in the world. That long filament in the photo above? That's a barnacle penis. Even more astounding: ThisCreature Cast video that shows barnacle penises in action, reaching out to investigate and (hopefully) mate with, nearby barnacles.

Naturally, where there are giant penises, there are experts who dedicate their lives to the study of giant penises. Southern Fried Science has a nice write up about the most recent discoveries published by J. Matthew Hoch, barnacle penis researcher.

Some of his interesting findings were that both wave action (yes! the motion in the ocean... this makes SO much more sense to me now). His study organism, the Atlantic acorn barnacle, Semibalanus balanoides, is known to have a penis with a exoskeleton with "accordion-like folds" that allows it to stretch to many times its relaxed length in order to find a mate.

Barnacles on wave exposed shores grow larger and their penises grow thicker/wider. They aren't necessarily longer than those that live in protected sites, nor do they have more folds allowing them to stretch greater distances. They just have thicker penises. This is likely a result of the water action. These barnacles have to have thicker penises for more support, making them less likely to break in the wave action and more likely to produce successful mating attempts.

Read the rest

TSA WTF OTD

What the I don't even... Found here. Thanks Erica!

UPDATE: This photo was taken by Trent Nelson, who is a friend of a friend (small world!). Of course I didn't know that when I posted it, as you can see from the link above where I found it there was no credit it. The photo is great, and the other photos by Trent are great too and he posted some back story on it and I'm psyched that the internets make finding connections and sources so easy, if a little after the fact. ;) Read the rest

Report: Wikileaks cables show Texas company "helped pimp little boys to stoned Afghan cops"

In the Houston Press, an extensive blog post untangling an alarming story from the state department cables: "another horrific taxpayer-funded sex scandal for DynCorp, the private security contractor tasked with training the Afghan police," and apparent proof that the company procured male children for bacha bazi ("boy-play") parties.

The story boils down to this: this company, headquartered in DC with Texas offices, helped pimp out little boys as sex slaves to stoned cops in Afghanistan:

For Pashtuns in the South of Afghanistan, there is no shame in having a little boy lover; on the contrary, it is a matter of pride. Those who can afford the most attractive boy are the players in their world, the OG's of places like Kandahar and Khost. On the Frontline video, ridiculously macho warrior guys brag about their young boyfriends utterly without shame.

So perhaps in the evil world of Realpolitik, in which there is apparently no moral compass US private contractors won't smash to smithereens, it made sense for DynCorp to drug up some Pashtun police recruits and turn them loose on a bunch of little boys. But according to the leaked document, Atmar, the Afghani interior minister, was terrified this story would catch a reporter's ear.

He urged the US State Department to shut down a reporter he heard was snooping around, and was horrified that a rumored videotape of the party might surface. He predicted that any story about the party would "endanger lives." He said that his government had arrested two Afghan police and nine Afghan civilians on charges of "purchasing a service from a child" in connection with the party, but that he was worried about the image of their "foreign mentors," by which he apparently meant DynCorp.

Read the rest

Every issue of Playboy from 1953 to 2010 on a hard [hehehe] drive

650 issues, 100,000 pages, 56 years, 1300 Cover Bunny Breasts. The Playboy Cover to Cover Hard Drive, a "USB bus-powered portable device" for $299.95.

Search, view, explore and organize the entire archive of digital editions--no power cord necessary. The device is hot swappable, so there's no need to restart after installation on your MAC or PC.

Buy: playboyarchive.com.

Press release, LA Times article. Read the rest

Vanity Fair bug sex interview with Isabella Rossellini goes horribly wrong

Despite this Vanity Fair interviewer's trollish proddings, bug sex actress Isabella Rossellini cannot be goaded into recommending bestiality. Read the rest

Amazon selling HOWTO ebook for "Pedosexuals," TV pundits froth at mouth

I expect more than one cable news channel to devote mega time over the next 24 hours to "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure," a Kindle download which purports to be a HOWTO guidebook for "pedosexuals."

Oh, there you go, just as I'm composing this, Anderson Cooper tweets that Dr. Phil will be on tonight for that very purpose.

From the product description, such as it is:

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

Liter sentences!

Presumably, Apple's digital bookstore would never allow this to happen, or so the sales pitch goes. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? (When) will Amazon remove the book from sale, and/or should they?

Amazon said in a statement that it "believes it is censorship not to sell certain books simply because we or others believe their message is objectionable." Discuss.

Update: Welp, now folks are loading /b/-type images to the product page. One screengrab below...

Read the rest

Lawsuit of Brunei prince involves life-sized statues of himself having sex

Jordan Jubela says: "I am passing along this interesting story about Prince Jefri of Brunei and his explicit sex statues. This is definitely New York’s oddest trial yet starring the scandalous Prince, his former advisers–and graphic life-size bronze statues featuring him and his fiancée practicing the Kama Sutra."
The most bizarre thing about Prince Jefri of Brunei’s lawsuit against his former business advisers is the statues

That’s saying something, because this is a pretty bizarre lawsuit. It spans three continents, billions of dollars, and at least $100 million in legal fees spent so far to pursue what ultimately amounts to $6 million in disputed cash involving, among other properties, New York’s Palace Hotel. 


Weirder still, all of the dozens of lawyers–toiling for four American law firms and two British ones representing both the plaintiffs and the defendants–are being paid by the prince’s older brother, the sultan of Brunei, who, along with the royal family’s Brunei Investment Agency, is on the prince’s side of the litigation. (This is, to put it mildly, an irony, because in multiple separate proceedings in the Bruneian and British courts, the sultan has spent an estimated $400 million in legal fees to sue his little brother, the former Bruneian finance minister, for allegedly defrauding the oil-rich sultanate of billions of dollars.)

Prince commissions life-sized statues of himself having sex? Read the rest

U.S. Mobsters, Behind in Cybercrime, Could Win Tuesday

[image: PartyPoker founder Ruth Parasol]

I know what patriotic Americans reading about the lucrative feats being pulled off by organized cyber criminals in Russia, Ukraine and elsewhere are thinking. Can't mobsters from the good old U.S. of A. compete in today's fast-moving global marketplace?

It's a sad fact that the West is lagging behind in giant-scale Internet fraud. But I don't think we need to lobby for a Five Families bailout just yet, especially if the Republicans capture the House tomorrow and kill Rep. Barney Frank's effort to legalize online gambling.

True, the other side has unfair advantages, including stunningly corruptible business-oriented law enforcement and the lack of a Silicon Valley to siphon off programming talent with high-paying straight jobs. In fact, some countries essentially sport a pre-fabbed mob infrastructure. Even legitimate enterprises typically hire their own mafia patron to negotiate cop-shakedowns and fend off other mobsters wanting handouts, so a greater union is pretty much the natural course of things once a hacking group gets big.

Read the rest

A letter to bOING bOING (with apologies to Bob Guccione, Sr.)

Click to embiggen. Read the rest

The Horror! The Horror! Comic Books the Government Didn't Want You to Read!

Being a sucker for lurid comic book art, I devoured Jim Trombetta's The Horror! The Horror! Comic Books the Government Didn't Want You to Read!, a giant-sized book of utterly depraved 1950s comic book artwork. This is the sordid underbelly of the squeaky clean 1950s, which was readily available in drugstores to any coonskin cap-wearing kid with a dime in his pocket.

Not only is the book loaded with gruesome depictions of "Murder! Mayhem! Robbery! Rape! Cannibalism! Carnage! Necrophilia! Sex! Sadism! Masochism! ... and virtually ever other form of crime, degeneracy, bestiality, and horror"*, the artwork itself is fantastic. Artists featured include Johnny Craig, Reed Crandall, Jack Davis, Steve Ditko, Al Feldstein, Frank Kelly Freas, Russ Heath, Graham Ingels, Alex Toth, Wally Wood, and Basil Wolverton. I imagine these artists had a lot of fun drawing these twisted comics.

The Horror! The Horror! includes a bonus DVD: "Confidential File," a 25-minute TV show from 1955, about the corrupting influence of these ghastly comic books on our nation's youth.

*"Actual language from 'Comic Books and Juvenille Delinquency,' interim report of the Committee on the Judiciary's investigation of juvenile delinquency in the United States, 1955-56." The comics were also sometimes racist (the one aspect I find absolutely objectionable), but the government didn't seem to be concerned about that aspect, obsessing instead over the sexual depravity depicted in the comics.

Buy The Horror! The Horror! on Amazon Read the rest

Die Antwoord: "Evil Boy" lyrics in Xhosa, English, Afrikaans, and Prawn

By request of Boing Boing readers, after an epic thread dissecting the meaning of the "Evil Boy" video released yesterday (do read that first), I've asked the band to provide us with lyrics for the new single and more info about the video. As you'll see, some portions are in Xhosa, some in Afrikaans, some in English. I believe some portions are also in Prawn. Bonus: a new ad-free embed is now above (direct link here). The teenage Xhosa guest-emcee's name is Wanga.

Read the rest

Die Antwoord: Evil Boy

(NSFW, but comically so.)

Update: "Evil Boy" lyrics here.

The much-anticipated new video from Die Antwoord just went live: EVIL BOY, featuring Wanga, a teenage Xhosa emcee, and Diplo.

I heard the track earlier this year, just after the band finished the final mixdown, and was blown away... but good heavens, the video's something else. Beautiful. District 9 prawn arms, phallic idols, abundant junk-slanging, a penis microphone, a ghost-eyed Yo-Landi in a rat jacket ready to rip out your heart. Oh, and a cameo by Diplo.

I think it's likely some portions may be misunderstood, and a line in there will be misinterpreted as homophobic, but the story behind it (Ninja and Yo-Landi shared all the backstory with me earlier) is deep stuff, and anything but. Both the band and Wanga, the young South African emcee who guest-stars in this one, are open-minded about gender and sexuality, it's cool. Lots of in-jokes for folks who are from South Africa, and of the specific culture the guest emcee's from.

So many layers of meaning jiggling around in this thing. A stew of English, Afrikaans, and Xhosa puns. Slang your junk and enjoy.

Update: I posted some comments to the discussion thread accompanying this post to explain what I understand of the video's backstory. Start here. Read the rest

A new video interpretation of Aphex Twin's "Gwely Mernans"

A new video directed by Rino Stefano Tagliafierro for "Gwely Mernans," my favorite track from the 2001 Aphex Twin album drukqs.

Video Link. In the fewest words possible: ambient slo-mo horror kissing.

No idea if this is sanctioned or "unofficial," but it's hard for me to imagine an approach that would fit the composition better. The director, whose name and portfolio are new to me, is a video artist and designer based in Milan.

As an aside, the format reminds me of my friend Clayton Cubitt's "long portraits," which he's been doing for several years now. (Thanks, Susannah Breslin) Read the rest

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