[My friend Peter Sheridan is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for British national newspapers. He has covered revolutions, civil wars, riots, wildfires, and Hollywood celebrity misdeeds for longer than he cares to remember. As part of his job, he must read all the weekly tabloids. For the past couple of years, he's been posting terrific weekly tabloid recaps on Facebook and has graciously given us permission to run them on Boing Boing. Enjoy! - Mark]
Earthquakes, floods, fire, nuclear war and the promise that “the world as we know it will end” in the next 100 days is the cheering news from this week’s National Examiner. You’d think this might warrant the front cover, but buried on page 42 is the news that “Torrents of lava will gush across the Western United States,” and “an earthquake off the coast of Hawaii . . . triggers a tsunami that lashes both sides of the Pacific.” This naturally unleashes “flooding and mudslides” that rupture the San Andreas fault and ignite volcanos at Mount St Helens and Yellowstone Park, igniting a “lake of fire” across Wyoming, Montana and Idaho. And that’s just by June. By August expect "a civil uprising” leading to “nuclear holocaust” that “devastates entire countries.” Definitely a good time to stock up on sunscreen, sturdy shoes and an ample supply of burgers.
That’s the optimistic forecast from “the country’s most trusted psychic consultants and religious scholars.” Well, that’s good enough for me. I’m cancelling my Hawaiian vacation and perhaps I’ll spend the summer building an underground shelter. Read the rest