[My friend Peter Sheridan is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for British national newspapers. He has covered revolutions, civil wars, riots, wildfires, and Hollywood celebrity misdeeds for longer than he cares to remember. As part of his job, he must read all the weekly tabloids. For the past couple of years, he's been posting terrific weekly tabloid recaps on Facebook and has graciously given us permission to run them on Boing Boing. Enjoy! - Mark]
Superstring theory suggests there are ten dimensions, while bosonic string theory posits as many as 26 dimensions of spacetime.
But I’ve discovered an additional dimension: the alternate universe inhabited by the tabloid magazines, where the laws of reality rarely apply.
What do Kim Kardashian’s new sex tape, Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss’s celebrity-packed little black book, Janet Jackson’s two secret love children, John F Kennedy’s secret love child and Jennifer Garner’s pregnancy have in common?
They all spring from the quantum mechanics of this week’s National Enquirer, which approaches events with the certainty of Schrodinger’s Cat. If a story could conceivably have happened, that’s good enough for these fact-challenged folk.
Inspired by allegations that Cuba’s Fidel Castro has ordered celebrities’ hotel rooms to be fitted with hidden cameras and listening devices, the Kardashian-bashing Enquirer screams: “Kim in new sex tape shocker,” claiming “she’s caught on film Havana romp with Kanye in Cuba.” But read the story, and you’ll find the Enquirer admitting that “cameras probably caught” the couple - because without evidence the story is sheer conjecture. Read the rest