The internet uncovers the horrible Ninja Turtles bullet we all dodged

Apparently, it was just as bad as we feared. Not long ago, it was reported that production on the Michael Bay-produced "Ninja Turtles" movie was pushed to 2014. Because 2014 is the 30th anniversary of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? No! That was a convenient excuse. Besides, "Ninja Turtles" is basically a cheap imitator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles since half of their character description -- along with the central freaking premise -- were done away with. No, it was because the script was said to have "issues." Meaning: the script was terrible. Several people claim to have gotten their hands on this script, and there are terrible, awful, no good, very bad things in it. Starting with 18-year-old high school lovebirds Casey Jones and April O'Neil. Seriously. That almost happened.

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TMNT co-creator Kevin Eastman is loving Michael Bay's movie - will fans?

Hmmm, maybe it is time for us Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans to chill out? Kevin Eastman, who co-created the TMNT comic with Peter Laird, seems to be very involved in the movie Michael Bay is producing (and apparently co-writing) that has devotees riled because of the altered origin story. And now he's saying that this movie, to be directed by Jonathan Liebesman, is "easily the best 'Turtles' movie yet." My soul feels torn in half, pulled in one direction by Eastman and another by Michael freaking Bay.

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Still not sold on Michael Bay's "Ninja Space Turtles"

Good news coming from the "Ninja Turtles" front! A leaked script found by Latino Review's El Mayimbe contains references to the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villains Bebop, Rocksteady, and Krang.

But this also comes with bad news, because there is apparently a synopsis floating around as well. It mentions the turtles "[coming] to Earth" with Splinter from their "recently destroyed planet." No. The only thing that should be coming from a destroyed planet to Earth is the ooze that turns the Earth turtles into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Because those guys are from New York, thank you. The fact that TMNT co-creator Kevin Eastman is allegedly responsible for some of this script does not make me feel better. This reboot is definitely going to lead me into a What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? moment, I can just feel it.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Noses: a Tumblog of Greatness

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA NOSES, by Simon Fletcher. "GOD IS THE ARTIST. I JUST FIND THE NINJA TURTLE IN HIS WORK." (thanks, Joe Sabia)