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Dead man wasn't

ResurrectttttWalter Williams, 87, of Lexington, Mississippi was pronounced dead on Wednesday night. The coroner came to his home, did the paperwork, put him in a body bag, and transferred him to a funeral home. But then...

“We got him into the embalming room and we noticed his legs beginning to move, like kicking,” (coroner Dexter) Howard said. “He also began to do a little breathing.”

One possibility is that Williams's defibrillator fired up his heart after it had stopped. In any case, Williams is currently awake and talking in his hospital bed.

‘Dead man’ kicks his way out of body bag at funeral home

The Emergency Sasquatch Ordinance and Other Real Laws


Kevin Underhill, the very funny lawyer behind Lowering the Bar, a very funny law-blog, has published a book of weird laws through the ages, called The Emergency Sasquatch Ordinance and Other Real Laws That Human Beings Have Actually Dreamed Up, Enacted, and Sometimes Even Enforced. It's a genuinely funny and extremely weird tour through the world's dumbest rules, starting with the Babylonians (who had a trial-by-ordeal through which you could prove you weren't guilty by jumping into the river and not drowning) up through the Hittites (who had a whole set of rules about whether it was OK to steal your neighbor's door); the ancient Greeks and Romans (who were allowed to go into their friends' houses to search for their stolen property, provided they did so in nothing but a loincloth, to ensure they didn't plant any goods while searching) and modern times, including the notorious "Pi=3.2" state law.

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Forgotten Foods: reviving weird old food and figuring out what should be brought back


Meg Favreau writes, "I thought you guys might be interested in this column I've been writing for the last year-ish -- I scour old cookbooks for once-popular recipes that have fallen out of favor, explore the (often weird) history of the food, and provide a recipe. Favorites include Welsh rarebit (the OG bachelor food, cooked in proto-microwave chafing dishes, and known for causing dreams so batshit that Little Nemo creator Winsor McCay did a long-running strip just about rarebit nightmares), beef tea (the chicken soup of its day, which tastes like hamburger water in the best way), and a Halloween about a booklet that juxtaposes candy recipes with testimonials about feminine ills (That ended up being posted on Table Matters' non-food sister site).

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Surfing crocodile

Enjoying the crest of a wave, this crocodile shut down Cable Beach near Broome, Western Australia, one of the country's most popular tourist hotspots. The animal has been slated for removal to the nearby Malcolm Douglas Wilderness Park. [Perth Now via Abroath]

Poultry shaming: Cultural Revolution confessions for chickens and roosters


You've likely seen pet shaming -- pictures of dogs with signs round their necks bearing Cultural Revolution-style admissions like "I eat my own poop." But you haven't lived until you've seen poultry shaming. Textile artist Amy L Rawson's got you covered.

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Edgar Allan Poe's interior design proscriptions


In The Philosophy of Furniture," an essay in the May 1840 issue of Burton's Gentlemen's Magazine, Edgar Allan Poe decries the interior design sense of the world (the Italians have "have but little sentiment beyond marbles" and the Americans worship an "aristocracy of dollars"). He ultimately describes his ideal room, and sets out the exact characteristics that Poe-compliant designers should hew to in order to make for harmonious interiors:

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Well-Sorted Version, an alphabetical Bible.


The Well-Sorted Version of the King James Bible takes all the letters in the Bible, preserves the order of upper- and lower-case letters, sorts the letters into alphabetical order, and "pours" the sorted letters back "into all the structure of books, chapters, verses, paragraphs, and words." Peter Harkins, who created the Well-Sorted Version, is accepting pledges to order the book in a limited, $300 edition, with cleat-sewn, acid/lignen-free paper bound into hot-foil-stamped leather, produced by the Grimm Bindery in Madison, WI, which will go into production if there's sufficient interest. There are also plans for cheaper hardcover/paperback editions and a $20 PDF version.

I once handled and enjoyed a similarly prepared edition of Joyce's Ulysses. It was a surprisingly great read.

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Nigerian restaurant busted for cannibal cuisine

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A hotel restaurant in Onitsha, Nigeria was reportedly shuttered after authorities confirmed it was selling dishes containing human meat. According to the Naija Zip, self-described as an er, "gossip news" site, police discovered two human heads on the premises along with weapons and ammunition.

"I went to the hotel early this year, after eating, I was told that a lump of meat was being sold at N700, I was surprised," a pastor who tipped off the cops was quoted as saying. "So I did not know it was human meat that I ate at such expensive price.”

Weird true facts that sound false

A great and endlessly entertaining Reddit thread asks for weird facts that sound made up, but aren't, like "The Ottoman Empire still existed the last time the Cubs won the World Series" and "When you get a kidney transplant, they usually just leave your original kidneys in your body and put the 3rd kidney in your pelvis." And:

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Sheep killers jailed

A couple from County Durham, England, will do jail time after decapitating a sheep and terrifying local children with the severed head.

Robert Carr, 28, was sentenced to 20 months for the bizarre attack, described by authorities as "beyond comprehension". Miranda Clark, 39, will spend up to eight months in jail. Carr and Clark pleaded guilty to charges of animal cruelty, child cruelty, destroying property and owning an illegal knife.

“Their initial attack on a defenseless animal seems to have served no purpose beyond providing some sort of twisted entertainment for the pair," prosecutor Gerry Sydenham said. "Not content with killing and mutilating the rare sheep, they then went on to traumatise a group of local children with the animal's severed head, before discarding it as an afterthought in a neighbour's yard.

Vibram golf-shoe


The photo above depicts an alleged new Vibram golf-shoe with two-tone uppers and individual toe-pockets. It's not clear whether this is real or rumor, nor am I sure whether this is terrible or wonderful. It is one of those liminal things, all right.

The "toe-shoe" folks at Vibram will launch a #golf shoe line in mid-February. (via Super Punch)

Nightmare fuel Pikachu


Den Chu's Pikachu evolved into something wonderfully nightmarish somewhere on its journey. If you look closely, you can just make out the electricity-storage glands under its forked tongue. I would happily give over my office to a 10-foot-long fiberglass version of this thing. (via Neatorama)

Couture Cthulu


Designer Thom Browne's Look 27 is the couture/runway version of what the smart businessperson is wearing on the streets of R'lyeh this season. Oh, who will think of the plight of the Elder God Cultist in the Grey Flannel Suit? (via M1k3y)

Portsmouth Middle School warns parents about Smartie-snorting epidemic and the risk of nasal maggots


Parents in Portsmouth, Rhode Island got a letter from the Portsmouth Middle School warning them that students may be snorting and smoking ground-up Smarties candies. The letter warns of risks of cuts, lung infections, nasal passage scarring, nose-wedged maggots (!), and future cigarette and drug use. John McDaid, a writer and local investigative blogger, got a comment from Portsmouth School Committee chair Dave Croston, who stated "I can say only that this behavior raises troubling issue of modeling."

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Flowers From Al, written with Charles Stross (conclusion)

Here's the second, concluding part of my reading of my 2003 short story "Flowers From Al," written with Charlie Stross for New Voices in Science Fiction, a Mike Resnick anthology (Here's part one). It's a pervy, weird story of transhuman romance.

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