Link-Fu 2.0: And the Winners Are…

You submitted, we voted, and here are the results for Link Fu Too: Shaolin Webmonkey Beatdown.

(1) Susannah
says: "My first Link-Fu master award goes to Joe Ashear for the [[Jarvis
Products Corporation
]] website featuring meat and poultry processing equipment: Electrically Powered Bandsaw for Splitting Cattle, Pigs, and Sows, Ele
ctric-Hydraulic Powered Hog Head Dropper
, and the unforgettable, no skilled-labor required Sow
Bung System
. "And in second place: Siege for (not worksafe) [[midget
spanking porn
]]. This
is my favorite."

(2) Warren Ellis says, "In the absence of anything truly hideous (that I hadn't already seen), I am giving my votes for Link Fu Too: Shaolin Webmonkey Beatdown to two sites with the authentic, ripe aroma of obsession.

"My first place Link-Fu master: "why the lucky stiff," for finding [[idolatrous tooth porn]]. This is a man who's spent much too much time in a small room with narcotics and teeth. This is a man who is, in fact, sexualising teeth. Imagine him performing dentistry on you. You're laid back in the chair. You can't move. And you can feel someone stroking your teeth. Caressing them. And then… his rank, oily sweat dripping into your open mouth… link one, link two, link three, link four, link five.

"The runner-up was a close-one. I was especially fond of the violently supercompressed crab Jim Oliver sent, and what I believe was a Czech disco instruction video that Rob Flickenger passed on. But today we are doing obsession. And this is just wreathed with the thick stench of people who think about things that are Wrong for far too long. Lauren found [[Boytaur]]. And here is a good example.

(3) Mark says, "Here are my four Link-Fu winners: Vivien Park found [[this website]] where you can order a drawing of you and Stevie Nicks, on paper or a tambourine. Rob Flickenger found [[Discofinska!]], and said 'The last 30 seconds bring the power and glory of Disco to
life once more! Wish I knew what they were saying.' Then, christoph found [[]]. " Mark also nominated the [[Jarvis
Products Corporation
]] site, as did Susannah — so submitter Joe scores double Fu karma.


Me? I liked Leslie Hall's [[Sweet Smelling Sweater Salad]], suggested by Scott — now dubbed Link-Fu master. A gallery full of ironically unselfconscious sweater Couture; beaded beauties with names like Creme la' Tart, Heart of the Bossom (sic), and Sprinkle Specktacaler (sic again). And OMG, the pants.

Two entries tied for second
place: Tim Sharkey submitted [[]], a website where you can buy an anatomically-correct plastic blob crafted to look like a chunk of human fat. The fauxblubberblobs are sold as psychological weight-loss aids. I was equally pleased to anoint Nathaniel Marsh Link-Fu mastership for having submitted [[North Korea's 3 Year Old Xylophone Prodigy]], which was so conspicuously cute it totally freaked me out. Like a bathtub full of saccharin.

Thanks to all who participated. (
(At left: The honorary link-Fu mascot. Snapshot of Pipsqueak, a cat belonging to graphic novelist Phoebe
— he's learning to live with three legs after a catfight accident. Thanks, Susannah).