Jokes made for robots by robots


From McSweeneys' "Jokes Made by Robots, for Robots," by J. Alex Boyd:

What's a robot's favorite cereal?

Rob-os.

(Note: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.)

Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah … A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?

To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and–in time–conquer it.

Link (Thanks, Charlie).

IMAGE: by Dan Coulter. "The band "Robot Attack" only recorded one live song because after the first song, "You're All Going To Die", they fullfilled their promise. Fortunately, they uploaded an mp3 of the song so that you can hear it." Download it here: Link, more pix here.

Speaking of robot jokes, Q: How many robots does it take to play the bagpipes? A: One! HahahahAHAHAHAH! Link to "McBlare," the bagpipe-playing Robot, created by robotics researchers at Carnegie Mellon University including Ben Brown, Garth Zeglin, and Roger Dannenberg. (Thanks, Andy Yang)

Reader comment: Bill Simmon says,

Regarding your robot post today, see also this album of music made by robots for robots: Link. From the web page:

"The album I have produced is a collection of songs gathered from the robot communities of North America. Few were aware of these remnants of our future; those who were had only questions: did they hate us, envy us, disdain us? Did they see the toaster as an appliance or as a brother? Had they inherited our lust for destruction, or did they seethe with the righteous anger of the oppressed?"

(Ed. note: Frackin' toasters.) BB reader Brian says,

Captured! By Robots is a "band" where this guy has built robots to play the instruments, and well, I'll just paste some of what they have to say on the site:

"Let me (DRMBOT 0110) tell you. JBOT played in a couple of ska bands, Skankin' Pickle and the Blue Meanies for years and was very unlikable. Everybody got sick of him (I don't blame them). JBOT thought that if he made a band of robots to play with everything would be okay. HE WAS WRONG! He built GTRBOT666 and myself and the idiotic Ape Which Hath No Name. After he built us, I decided that he was the antibot and must be punished. We installed a Biocerebral Chip in his CPU and now force him to humiliate himself in front of his peers. "

Link.

Marshall Clark from the truly excellent radio program and podcast This Week in Science, which is incidentally a popular favorite among Cylons, says:

Check out Chris Taylor's musical love letter to future robot captors "Robots Are Great" (MP3 Link) from our 2006 Science Music Compilation. TWIS Loves BB.

Brett

Can't forget Flight of the Conchords – Humans are Dead!! Link.

El Chavo says,

If you'd rather stay away from all the middle class robot music and want to hear what a working class,ghetto robot might have on its boom box, then check out 8 bit (Link), a Highland Park based team of Robots in exile from their own planet.
Their normal site is down, most likely due to human error. You can check this MP3 link for a fine example of robo-rap.

Douglas Repetto of artbots says,

We're doing the last day of a mini-ArtBots show tomorrow (Sunday) in NYC: Link.

We've got a couple musical bots (Misericordiam and Ill-Tempered Clangier) as well as six other strange/fun ones!

Brad Steuernagel says,

CHRIS the Robot is the hottest Robot comedian out there! Link.

Dave says,

Link to YouTube clip of industrial assembly line robots being harassed by the products they make. The various products launch into such robo-insults as "is it really true that your mommy is a blender?" and the robots retort with threats to tighten the appliance's fan belt.

Ken says,

I can't believe no one's suggested THE KILLER ROBOTS!! They are very large, intimidating robots who have a rock group AND star in fumettis from Abnormal Fun Comics. Personally, I like the one in the Laser Tag helmet.

Also, don't miss out on Optimus Rhyme for all your Transformers-themed nerdcore rap. They're straight off the streets of Cybertron, yo.