From Ohio's Beacon Journal, this breaking news:
A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died.
UPDATE: In the comments section, Dave says:
"I think you guys were had on this one. A search of ohio.com does not bring this article up."
In a selfless quest for the truth, I sacrificed $2.95 to buy the 3000-word "Crime Watch" section from the September 21, 2003 edition of the Akron Beacon. Yes, the article really did appear in the paper. (Click on image for enlargement)
(Via Yes But No But Yes)