Proof that goats cannot be trusted


Professor Eustace P. Toffeynuts III, Ph.D., D.D.T., L.S.D., has produced a very important treatise on the freaky nature of goat eyes, their relationship to the freaky nature of octopus eyes and why both animals are clearly in league with Satan.

Goat Eye Syndrome is characterized by eyes afflicted with horrific horizontal pupils similar to those of cephalopods such as octopi, squid, or cuttlefish. The pupils of these beasts are approximately the shape of a kidney bean, but instead of dividing the eye vertically, in the manner of noble, trustworthy beasts such as tigers, bobcats, and snakes, the GES pupils transfix the eye horizontally. This is disgusting. The only other type of animal to display such disgusting, vomit-inducing eyes are the previously mentioned cephalopods (which have a long association with death from the murky depths and Cthulhu) and Kermit the Frog, who is a felt puppet created by Jim Henson, and should not be considered an example of an accurate representation of frog physiology.

Ignore this research at your own peril.

Professor Eustace P. Toffeynuts III, Ph.D., D.D.T., L.S.D.: Goat Eyes: Satanic ploy, or merely horrific crime against nature? A serial treatise on the unnatural pupils of those beasts of the genus capra (2006)

(Thanks, Ed Yong!)

Image courtesy Flickr user BitBoy, via CC