(Xeni's in LA at the Grammy Awards, armed with a tactical blogging apparatus. Read the winners, losers and bad fashion in real-time starting after 5 p.m./8 p.m. Update: Thanks for reading! Tweets archived after the jump. – Rob)
I'll end with a repeattweet: sign at entrance, earlier; All That You Must Not Do While Attending the Grammys. http://yfrog.com/4adflgj – about 1 hour ago from Tweetie
I'm gonna hand my afterparty pass to that street busker. We share an affinity for Funkadelic. And he could use some food. Goodnight, all. – about 1 hour ago from Tweetie
@k0re you remember when we dunked the SRL guys in Fig jacuzzi? Years ago! Hot tub looked like Valdez spill, as fuel left their skin. – about 1 hour ago from Tweetie in reply to k0re
Second-tier spectacle surrounding Staples Center feels not unlike a prom. Someone's offering to pay me in coke for my afterparty tickets. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Stretch limos line Figueroa as far as the iPhone can see. Drunk girls teeter in mock Louboutins. Fans crane necks around barricades. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Wandering off to find Elton & Gaga, give em both a big highdef kiss: light as the touch of an iPad, sweet as Lil Wayne's cherished sizzurp. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Nothing here tonight says dinosaurs running the show have learned anything. But no matter. Let us jack up the bass & jig on their grave. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
The spectacle here tonight has little to do with the lives of working musicians, those on my playlists anyway. Still fun to observe. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Hollywood is best appreciated with equal parts awe and antibodies. I love the promise, even though it's empty. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
This is the house the MAFIAA built. Like the man said, music industry is alive n well, but labels are dead. The dinosaur days are numbered. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
No irony tag needed for last Grammys tweets: I love spectacle. I love music. I love witnessing big live media moments. This is what it is. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Memorable Grammys moments won't see at home include various ladies losing their phones, crawling ass-in-air in gowns to find under seats. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Outside Grammys afterparty, on Figueroa, best performance of evening: Street busker in white gloves jerkin it to FLASHLIGHT on junk beatbox – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Wandering through afterparty briefly, but my jetlag's kicking in. I hear the siren song of my own bed, calling sweetly. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
"That last one caps it. We've paid our penitence for The Kanye Incident. She can shut up now." – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
"We in this biz don't handle guilt well," anon NARAS informant tells me re: Swift's multiple wins. "But that's the last she's gonna get." – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Here's Jenny, one of many be-tuxed laborers selling candies inside Grammys. I asked her fave. "I don't eat candy." http://yfrog.com/at3m1j – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
Just literally brushed shoulders with Mr. Wyclef. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
FIN. http://yfrog.com/3nzoanj – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
They announce Taylor Swift's win, and I swear, everyone gets up and walks out of the venue. My serious face here. – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
They were just creating blank spaces so you can do Creative Commons remixes.RT @wjbova audio of (rap) performance kept dropping on broadcast – about 2 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @Jaysmooth somewhere Harry Reid is shaking his head at Quentin Tarantino's Negro dialect – about 3 hours ago from web
If you have not seen the newish documentary – about Lil Wayne (The Carter), I cannot recommend it strongly enough. Also: sizzurp. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
LILWAYYYYYNE – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Tarantino's shirt hates your HDTV. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Pro tip: seats at the Grammys have less legroom than the flight I took back from Guatemala 36 hrs ago. Should have booked exit row. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
During commercial break now I see a guy fondling Gaga's silver-glitter headgear. Is she dressed as a unicorn?He's masturbating her horn. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Wow. Now Lebowski is on stage. Looking for something with which to tie together this rather large room. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
{Cavalcade of Dead People montage} – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
@bvanmacman but some have also snuck in some jabs. Wyclef's philosophical aside certainly seemed to fit in that category. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to bvanmacman
@bvanmacman if you're onstage and part of the show, I think it's fair to say that you effectively do. And many explicitly do. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to bvanmacman
RT @xenijardin is it your sense that most of the artists there support the riaa? or is that idea just riaa propaganda? – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to xenijardin
Lady Gaga in spiky silver glitter outfit, escorted to seat while LL intros Maxwell. Silhouette of outfit looks like statue of liberty. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Gentleman sitting next to me produced LL Kool J records. LL will soon take stage. Should be interesting moment to ask our new friend q's. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Why am I here? Because Li'l Wayne will soon perform. In this very house. Yes, @serafinowicz & @robertpopper, you heard me. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Very lukewarm applause here in the live house for Neil Portnow, as he takes stage. Not all academy members psyched – about his leadership. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
How do they ensure that the grafix on those stage-wide displays don't screw up? The redundancy and failure planning must be intense. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
A moment of silence just now during commercial break for a stage hand who died yesterday. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
While you guys are watching TV commercials, we in the event audience see replays of Great Moments of Grammys Past. And housekeeping notes. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
An apology for egregious use of auto-tune. The first of many due this evening. – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Wyclef: "there are no more record labels." #grammys – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
Wow, well fuck me. Those were actually Shepard Fairey gfx! RT @shanenickerson They might be actual Fairey gfx: http://bit.ly/auzlML – about 3 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @xenijardin They might be actual Fairey gfx: http://bit.ly/auzlML – about 4 hours ago from Brizzly in reply to xenijardin
@xenijardin maybe the AP should sue Bon Jovi too. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to xenijardin
"Vote for what song Bon Jovi should play last" crashes CBS.com http://bit.ly/1I8tDZ #grammys – about 4 hours ago from TweetDeck
and 8 others
"to download songs from tonight's performance, go to bittorrent." – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
"This is pretty crazy," says seatmate, noting women in front of us. "middle aged black ladies rocking out to Bon Jovi. The power of music." – about 4 hours ago from
Whoah. Bon Jovi background grafx are Shepard Fairey ripoff. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
.@andrewbaron says the 3D glasses did nothing for him. I didn't wear mine, but the graphics were neat. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @xenijardin GAYCON 1 is when we launch all the minutemen at each other, yes? – about 4 hours ago from twidroid in reply to xenijardin
Michael Jacksons kids on stage addressing audience. Creepy live moment here in the flesh. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Dying to twitpic all these NARAS suits watching w red/blue funnyglasses, but the gestapo might yank my iPhone if i do. An amazing sight. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @bonniegrrl: Sounds like the only thing the Grammys needs to take it to GayCon-1 is for C-3PO to present an award to Adam Lambert. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Elbowing over mirror space in ladies room at awards show: not unlike battle over soylent gruel powder I expect we'll have in The Last Days. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
3D zombie Michael jackson's anaglyph rainforest ressurection. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
I'm now witnessing thousands of Grammys audience members put 3d glasses on their faces. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Just now witnessed 3 trophy wives lay phones at sink while pawing their faces desperately in mirror. One muttered monologue to her lone zit. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
The womens room at a Hollywood awards show is a Darwinian, Botox-stained battle of bleached tooth and acrylic claw. Grammys no exception. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Stevie Nicks. I'll take this Grammys Moment to share obvervations from the ladies' toilet. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @xenijardin sounds like you're hitting GAYCON-1, Liberace resurrection imminent. – about 4 hours ago from web
All star 3d tribute to Michael Jackson by Celine Dion? Lord, y'all. Didnt believe it was possible, but this just got gayer. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
.@andrewbaron & I hacked the LED sign over the Grammys stage. When U2 goes on, it'll read RIAA <3s THE PIRATE BAY 4 EVAR!!!1 - about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Best Artist, Album, whatever. Can't wait for Best Ginormous RIAA Settlement Paid By Single Mom Who Cant Afford Health Insurance. Fuck yeah! – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Alice Cooper: Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. Conveniently, presenting with Katy "Kissed a Girl" Perry. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Serious-face here. Id bet money that Colberts iPad was an Apple-approved prop, not fully functional. – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
The adorable 13yo daughter of our seatmate signs her texts like this. http://yfrog.com/1dqsuqj – about 4 hours ago from Tweetie
Ah, that's Imogen Heap's Twitter outfit! Everyones been talking – about it all night. She looks texty! – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
I see a lady a few rows down wearing Elizabethan collar you give dogs so they can't chew on their balls? It glows moving LED text message. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
I'm learning that there are Seat Fillers whose job it is to find and place their asses in empty seats. They get free tix but must dress up. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
@garethb2 yeah Colbert just did! – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to garethb2
RT @garethb2 @xenijardin Has anybody thanked the Lord for their award yet (over all those other, obviously heathen, nominees)? – about 5 hours ago from web in reply to xenijardin
White folks in S Africa wouldn't let them in some places still, back then, in 1989 (Mr. Henry is black). – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Our seatmate sharing amazing memories of what it was like to record with Mama Africa. Tears coming to his eyes. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Jay Henry's Grammy winnning work was great Miriam Makeba's albm recorded in S Africa before apartheid ended. "she cooked for us every day." – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Those seated near me, all vets, say staging & production values are notably higher than before. New dude running the show. Some spectacle. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Black Eyes Peas are performing with some third rate robot dancers in Tron guy getups. Pretty sure this could not get any gayer. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
I ask him how it would be like to try & produce those records now, all the sample clearances. "Everythings different now," he says, smiles. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Jay Henry sharing remembrances with us of early days of hiphop. "I have all the original sample tracks we used to make all those records." – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Say hello to Jay Henry, tweeps. He's sitting next to @andrewbaron & me. produced Public Enemy's "A Nation of Millions," LLkoolJ, Heavy D… – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Hipsters weep. Ting Tings, Mgmt, Silversun summarily defeated by bearded honkies who don't know where Brooklyn is, but who thank the RIAA. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Pink takes a drink in the sink. She's dripping all over the people in the really fancy seats. 30x vet next to me: "okay that topped Beyoncé" – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Pink sings. Gold bodypainted tittypeople descend from a purple sky-diaper. Jesus, the Grammys sure are gay. I need ecstasy & poppers, stat. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
RT: @DamienMcKenna How – about a shout-out to the @lullabot geniuses who built the Grammy's new website around the awesome GPL'd #Drupal? – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
The announcer sternly demands that all attendees clear the aisle for the next performance. Acrobats in gold bodypaint hang from ceiling. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
I introduce myself to music-biz vet next to me. "Youre not twittering this whole thing, are you?" (Yes. He gives dismayed look). Him: "We used to use morse code." – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Beyonce really is a sight to behold. Chills. I can sling no mud at the force of her stage presence. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
The Beyonce staging is not unlike high-budget Trekkie cosplay. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Beyonce arrives, flanked by some leftover troops from Afghanistan. – about 5 hours ago from Tweetie
Where is the part when the artists ask how that Secret Copyright Treaty is going to benefit the world? Maybe that's after Rihanna. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
The only thing weaker than a Green Day song is a soft rock remix of a Green Day song. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Little-known fact: 10% of earnings from RIAA lawsuits against schoolteacher single moms go into carbon offset fund to aid Haitian orphans. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Colbert, you bastard, how'd you get your paws on an iTablet before me? – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Á la Basterds! RT @capnmarrrrk If you could somehow rescue the artists & lock in executives, you should figure how to burn the place down. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
JayZ glares at Stephen Colbert. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @xenijardin Are we going to get hit with RIAA lawsuits for retweeting you? – about 6 hours ago from TweetDeck
Elton John: "how wonnndefful laff is / with GaGa in the wulllld" – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
A million homoangels in heaven doth sing. Elton John and Gaga duet, in matching glitter specs. Try as I may, I cannot hate on this. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @xenijardin the thoughts that go through my head whilst reading your Grammy tweets are intellectual property of RIAA/Staples – about 6 hours ago from Echofon
Lady Gaga unveils a steampunk gay opera. I got nothin to add here. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
RT @andrewbaron: Outside the Grammys with @xenijardin and @petecashmore http://twitpic.com/10s5ot – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
She was doing an emergency costume change, as she'd shown up wearing a Balenciaga tribute gown comprised entirely of medicinal hemp brooms. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
The ban on brooms specifically cited on the sign outside #Grammys is an outrage. I interviewed Lady Gaga – about it inside the ladies room. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Something – about Green Day saving New Orleans, Haiti, and Bangladesh. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Hustled into our seats in the mafiadome. Despite ban on mobile devices, *everyone* in here is tweeting or texting. http://yfrog.com/3ncjzrj – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
A proverbial shoutout to @prontosphere, aka Mikael Jorgensen of the great band Wilco. I disclose bias: guys, I hope you win. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
What do you think of this experience so far, @andrewbaron? (answer unintelligible, wrapped in DRM) http://yfrog.com/4euzzxj – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Entering the slaughterhouse. #Grammys http://yfrog.com/33kt4fj – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
No! #Grammys http://yfrog.com/3i58cufj – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
Spotted: @mostlylisa, @petecashmore/@mashable. Oh wait there's Lady Gaga, @drdrew, Dave Grohl. – about 6 hours ago from Tweetie
@VeniceRiley I will keep an eye out! – about 8 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to VeniceRiley
We are at a party at the Fig right now. Lots of helicopters overhead. – about 8 hours ago from Tweetie
Fine print says no cellphones. I'll have to be even stealthier than when rudely tweeting from under table at restauraunt during boring date. – about 8 hours ago from Tweetie
Here we go. #Grammys http://yfrog.com/3lcooxj – about 8 hours ago from Tweetie
