In 2007, my husband and I were privileged enough to take a month off and travel around Europe. Given that we spent most of our time in Western Europe, there really wasn't a whole lot of cultural confusion, with a few notable exceptions*. Chief among them, the squat toilets we stumbled across at a very inconvenient moment in Italy. "Inconvenient moment" here defined as "actually having to use the bathroom."
My friend Frank Bures is a travel writer and he understands the squat toilet problem all too well. Frank is, after all, somebody who has traveled extensively in places where squat is all you got. In a piece from 2006, he shares some hard-earned advice on squat toilets. How I wish I had read this before my venturing into small towns in coastal Italy.
Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth is probably the world's foremost expert on excretion, a real Buddha of Bowel Movements, and she's not afraid to get into the details. "My technique when I'm teaching volunteers about to go abroad," said the author of How to Shit Around the World from her UK office, "is that when you're learning, you need to take everything off below your waist: socks, shoes, pants, underwear. Then squat over the toilet. Pour water over your bum, and with your left hand, just whittle away with your fingers and try to dislodge any lumpy bits while pouring water. And that's actually not too unaesthetic, because any mess that goes onto your fingers comes off in the water."
What to do: Most important: Cultivate the right mindset. Relax, pretend like you've been doing this for years. Remember, using your hand is (according Wilson-Howarth) actually more hygienic, not less, than using toilet paper. "You get good bacteriological cleaning with just rubbing your hands together with soap under running water four times," she says, and cites a study which says you don't even need soap. "It can be ash or mud, just rubbing your hands together under water with some kind of washing agent. Even dirt from the river bank will give you good bacteriological cleaning."
*Another notable exception: Andouillette sausage is not the same thing as andouille. You've been warned.