So, I don't like to make a career out of snarking on things. I prefer to focus on things that don't make me want to break an expensive piece of technology or kill the entire internet with fire. And it's not even the internet's fault, this thing I'm about to show you. It is a trailer for an "official" sequel to the 1983 cult holiday marathon classic, A Christmas Story. It never had to exist, and yet here it is. Existing. It's not coming to theaters, but it is still asking you to spend your hard-earned money (or imaginary money aka credit) on a movie that should have never made it further than a fan-fiction web site.
In A Christmas Story 2, we follow a teenage Ralphie in a Porky's-style coming-of-age story, in which he covets not a Red Ryder BB gun, but a shiny new car, as teenage boys are wont to do. The Old Man, previously played by the late great Darren McGavin, is now played by Daniel Stern — who was one of the Wet Bandits in Home Alone. And that felt like bile in my mouth just now. Bile, mixed with tears, because the previously dormant tear ducts of my soul have just been activated.
You know, original writer/narrator Jean Shepherd and director Bob Clark actually made their own actual "official" sequel to A Christmas Storyin 1994, and it turned out… well, it turned out. But no? This thing still had to be made, huh? Fine. Make some filthy bile money.
YouTuber craftsman Paul Jackman fashioned his own "major award" a la A Christmas Story, a "manly" leg lamp based on his own leg's measurements. It's really quite impressive. He writes: This leg is an exact full scale model of my own leg. The leg and base are made from maple butcher block scraps from previous […]
While you still won't be able to buy that Slayer Christmas sweater you've been wanting ever since you knew it existed, there is another equally hardcore option if you're still in need of something ugly and holiday-themed: the Home Alone sweater. Complete with prancing reindeer on the wearer's biceps and a healthy portion of snowflakes, […]
Everybody's got a story. Unfortunately, not everybody has the tools to tell that story the right way. That's especially true for someone looking to produce their first screenplay. Just as with any type of writing, penning a script for the screen has a set of rules all its own. Understanding that structure, as well as […]
Even as the world takes tentative steps toward reopening against the ebbs and flows of COVID-19, movie theaters remain in a netherworld limbo. High-profile film releases continue shuffling as theater chains, studios and filmgoers grapple with the fact that an enclosed theater may not be a safe place to be for some time to come. […]
The year 2020 has basically kicked down that door and dragged us all into the Zoom age, whether we like it or not. And now that we're basically inviting our boss, co-workers and other business associates into our homes via video, we've unwittingly stumbled into all kinds of new potential for embarrassment. Like when you're […]