Thomas Friedman: IHOP menu copywriter

Something Awful celebrates the deathless prose of Thomas Friedman and the mountains of empty calories on offer at the International House of Pancakes — Friedman's culinary equivalent — by giving us notional menu copy as written by the Great Flat One.

Picking a favorite pancake is a lot like picking the right tie for a meeting. In certain cultures more importance is placed on the tie you wear than on the suit or even what you're saying. I wore a blue tie when I asked a Palestinian widow what she thought of Israeli pizzas and a paisley red tie when I asked an IDF commander why nobody reads MAD Magazine anymore. "It's because we're passing over the cusp of the digital age," said Ari Rabin. That was when I realized that was what we were: cuspers. We were on the cusp, going through the painful process of shedding all the analog, but not purely digital yet. I folded Tab A to meet Tab B and that was when I saw an image of two eggs, two bacon strips or pork sausage links, and IHOP's golden hash browns, along with my favorite pancakes, the CINN-A-STACK. I wiped CINN-A-STACK juice from my mustache and the Palestinian widow admitted she liked pizza, proving once again that we are all on the cusp together.

Thomas Friedman Writes for the International House of Pancakes Menu