[This op-ed is by Lizz Winstead, co-creator of The Daily Show and Lady Parts Justice – Mark]
The most important takeaway from yesterday's Hobby Lobby arguments is thank God women sit on the Supreme Court. Had there been no female justices, these fundamentals would have gone unchallenged:
a. A corporation is a person.
b. An emulsion of sexy fun time fluids is a person.
c. Birth control is an abortion
d. A woman can be legally required to participate in a three-way with her boss.
The women on the court drove the questions while Chief Justice John Roberts and Co. bought Hobby Lobby's 64-pack of crapola.
And even Green family lawyers are crafty. They took a hot glue gun and slapped together some smoke and mirrors to create a bullshit narrative that the billionaire Green family are running some religiously oppressed "Mom and Pop " operation.
After the oral arguments, Hobby Lobby's attorney flooded cable news, not seeing any hypocrisy in the fact that the Christian craft store had no problem profiting from customers who need centerpieces for their abominable gay weddings. It's only when they have to fork out money to cover an employee's sinful birth control that they play the "abomination" card.
Oh, and I am sure every Styrofoam wreath and tube of glitter are only made in the Christian Chinese factories located in the "abortion-free" provinces.
This isn't about religion it is about their bottom line. Everyone knows not getting laid is the gateway drug to scrap booking. Seriously, if you are getting it on the regular, your desire to sponge glaze your bedroom walls greatly diminishes. More sex = less crafting. Period.
"But where will it lead if Hobby Lobby wins?", is the question everyone and their mother have been furiously asking, writing and tweeting. So we at Lady Parts Justice have made this little video reminder of where we might be headed if a corporation is legally able to hide behind religion to enact hideous business practices.