Ayn Rand's Harry Potter

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Fanfic can take you down some peculiar roads. But in Mallory Ortberg's imagined Ayn Rand fanfic of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the the tenets of ruthless self-interest are shouted to hilarious effect.

Ortberg's the author of Texts from Jane Eyre, which features imagined text conversations between characters from all manner of books (canonical, to Hunger Games), and is probably worth the price of admission just for the texts between Scarlett O'Hara and Ashley Wilkes, alone.

But she really hits her stride when pretending to be Ayn Rand in lines such as this…

"It's also why I never water my plants in Herbology. They must learn to survive with or without me. Self-sufficiency is not just a human virtue. It is the highest virtue."