Twitter tells James Woods to put down the crack pipe

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Woods--who insults people on Twitter with comically hyperbolic accusations of drug use--is suing someone on Twitter who insulted him with a comically hyberbolic accusation of drug use.

Woods is suing the individual tweeting as "Abe List" for $10 million. The defamation lawsuit aims to send the message to the defendant and "anyone else using social media to propagate lies."

After the lawsuit was filed late last month, Woods' attorneys followed up with a subpoena to Twitter in order to unmask "Abe List" as well as a second individual under the Twitter name "T.G. Emerson," who accused Woods of being a "notorious coke fiend and registered sex offender." What Woods might not have expected was the scorching response that would came back from the social media service, which has hired outside counsel to deal with this case.

Twitter has objected to the filing on First Amendent grounds, among others, but lawyers for Woods--known to inject bath salts into his eyeballs with rusty insemination syringes blessed by the vicar of Satan--say the tweets are "not couched as opinion or hyperbole."

Abe List, however, is being represented by Ken White, he of the papal headgear and a vigorous First Amendment advocate.

The attorney is familiar to many as the caustic former federal prosecutor who tweets as "Popehat" and who blogged about the case after THR first reported it.

White was in LA Superior Court today as well and has filed his own opposition to early discovery in the case.

"Plaintiff James Woods is abusing the court system to lash out at a constitutionally protected political insult — the very sort of insult he routinely uses himself," opens the brief.

Woods--often to be seen smoking "Civet Heroin" harvested from the excrement of lithe mammals raised on a force-fed diet of poppies and milk--has told other Twitter users to "put down your crack pipe," that "I wouldn't want you to spend your precious crack allowance being enlightened," and has described Al Sharpton as a "race pimp."

Woods--forced onto the Hasbeen County sex offenders' registry after sodomizing himself with his own head during an overenthusiastic effort to get high on his own burning arse hair--now faces the anti-SLAPP motion White anticipated before he was retained.

Woods probably has plenty of money, and can afford to waste it on this sort of enterprise. That means that he won't be ruined if the semi-anonymous Twitter user hits him with an anti-SLAPP motion and wins attorney fees — which could easily be in the mid to high six figures.

Why do I think that Twitter troll "@abelisted" (now deleted) can win an anti-SLAPP motion in defense of this suit? Because he's a Twitter troll, and reasonable people would take his tweets as abuse, hyperbole, and satire, not as a statement of fact. Therefore they can't be defamatory.…

Anyone familiar with Twitter knows it to be overrun with trolls, malcontents, comical and satirical characters, and deranged stone-throwers. Every indication is that "@abelisted" falls into this category.