This really is a distillation of the discussions I have with my daughter. Every. Single. Day. If it wasn't so funny, I'd be weeping.
My only source of comfort is that I can recall doing this to my parents.
Child: Where is Mom?
Me: Why do you need her?
Child: Sometimes one just needs one's mother.
Me: I'm standing right here, perhaps I can help you.
Child: This falls under Mom's purview, so …
Me: She's busy right now, and I'm taking care of you.
Child: Busy where?
Me: Upstairs. But don't go there.
(Child leaves room)
(Long pause, muffled discussion from upstairs)
(Child returns)
Child: I spoke with mom.
Me: So I gather.
Child: Mom says to ask you. Where is the thing from before?
Me: The thing I wouldn't give you before?
Child: Yes.
Me: Why do you want to know?
Child: I'm a curious person. I thirst for knowledge.
Me: But you can't have it.
Child: Boy, you are really jumping to conclusions here! I know I can't have it! OF COURSE! I'm just curious.
Me: If I tell you where it is, will I find out that at some future time, you have the thing?
Child: Does anyone truly know what the future holds?
Me: So, there is a future where you've gone and gotten the thing.
Child: Hold that thought.
(Child leaves room)
But I Want It
[Sean Williams/Slate]
(Thanks, Alice!)
