While visiting a friend recently, I stayed at a local hotel and got a chance to try out the Quickcakes Popcake PC-11 Pancake Extruder. About a yard wide, it has a single button on it, a small monochrome display, and is emblazoned with a decal stating "PANCAKES IN A MINUTE FLAT."
It was mounted on a counter, between a coffee vending machine and the breakfast meats. Operation is simple. Press the button and voila! It extrudes pancakes. The pancakes emerge between rollers on one side, and I am pleased to verify that it indeed does so after about 60 seconds of internal machinations. The experience is very much like that of a photocopier, but it copies joy instead of documents.
The consumer is not expected to refill the Quickcakes Popcake PC-11 Pancake Extruder's batter tank. It is clearly very large and intended to operate for hours, if not days, on a single load.
Upon pressing the button, the machine begins making "two" pancakes and the display indicates which of the two pancakes it is making. A progress bar appears on the display. Ultimately, the two pancakes—in fact a single large pancake vaguely shaped into two circles, like Sonic The Hedgehog's eyes—emerge from the brown-streaked teflon rollers and fall onto your plate with a rubbery slap.
The resulting unicake was warm to the touch and had a smooth, leathery texture. It was several millimeters thick: thicker than crêpes, but not as thick as pancakes made by humans. Yes, they were dense and bland and almost impossible to cut with a plastic knife, but fuck you: they were free pancakes and I could have as many as I wanted without anyone getting in my way.
We are proud to award the Quickcakes Popcake PC-11 Pancake Extruder four single-serve portions of congealed dairy product out of five.
The Popcake PC-11 is available from hoteliery and catering distributors worldwide. It sells for about $2,500 used.
Official website [popcake.com]
