Empowered female heroines work hard

A classic Mallory Ortberg humor column sets out a day in the life of an "empowered female heroine," a fictional staple on whom society (and literature) project a huge amount of aspirational demands.

"The girls are totally going to win," she said, "You're a bunch of sexists." She could win at everything. She could change a tire and dance in a ballgown in the same ten minutes. Maybe with a little streak of grease over her cheekbone, to remind you that she was tough and beautiful, and also to remind you how good her cheekbones were. Now she was wearing a pretty dress but combat boots underneath it, and she also had a gun, to fight sexism. She looked so good. She kicked a guy in the face, and she didn't even care.

"Feminism," she said to herself, and then put on some red lipstick. "Just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean I don't like to look good." Then she kicked another guy through a window, and he fell all the way. He was probably dead. She had like four guns strapped right on her boobs.

A Day In the Life of an Empowered Female Heroine

[Mallory Ortberg/The Toast]

(via Dan Hon)