[My friend Peter Sheridan is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for British national newspapers. He has covered revolutions, civil wars, riots, wildfires, and Hollywood celebrity misdeeds for longer than he cares to remember. As part of his job, he must read all the weekly tabloids. For the past couple of years, he's been posting terrific weekly tabloid recaps on Facebook and has graciously given us permission to run them on Boing Boing. Enjoy! - Mark]
You think it’s hard being a celebrity? Try being friends with a celebrity - it’s a life fraught with fear.
That’s evident from this week's tabloids, which repeatedly tell how “friends fear” for the well-being of stars.
“Portia de Rossi’s terrifying appearance has friends fearing she is on the verge of a life-threatening anorexia relapse” claims the National Enquirer.
“Pals fear” that Kelly Osbourne “can’t stop eating,” and “may be eating herself to death” according to the Enquirer, which evokes images of Monty Python’s spheroid Mr Creosote indulging one more wafer-thin mint, though Kelly seems slender by that comparison.
Michael Douglas is allegedly looking thin, and “friends fear his cancer has returned,” says the Globe. Because who needs oncologists to carry out scans and tests when we have friends to live in fear for our health?
When friends aren’t available, there are plenty of others around who can worry about the stars for them.
“Medical experts” are “fearful” that former Friends star Matthew Perry has suffered a stroke, reports the Enquirer, based on a recent TV appearance in which he appeared to be slurring words. Read the rest