Parasites are threatening to “destroy the human race” and other tabloid shockers

Parasites are threatening to “destroy the human race,” claims the National Examiner, which coincidentally is what this week’s tabloid magazines also appear to have in mind.

Just like the Examiner's “evil bugs” with “the power to turn us into zombies,” the tabloids try to burrow into our brains with their latest mindless worm-like ravings.

Comedy legend Robin Williams’ death “is now a murder probe” claims the Globe, reporting that the case has been re-opened as “cops probe brutal murder!”

But read the story and you learn that the case has not be reopened by police; it’s merely Globe’s rent-a-quote “investigators” speculating wildly, accompanied by a disturbing photo purporting to show Williams’ corpse with horrific strangulation marks around his neck. This is the same discredited photo which in 2014 was proven not to be Williams after being traced back to a Spanish website specializing in strangulation. But that hasn’t stopped the Globe reprinting the image, even with its own caution: “the authenticity is in question.” No kidding.

Happy marriages simply aren’t allowed in the tabloids’ version of Hollywood. Jennifer Aniston’s marriage is “in crisis” because husband Justin Theroux is away filming in Australia, claims the Globe, and John Travolta’s marriage to Kelly Preston is heading toward a $275 million divorce, claims the Enquirer, which for years has repeatedly floated this story questioning the actor’s sexuality, in the forlorn hope that one day it may be proven right.

“Hillary will never be President!” screams the Enquirer’s cover, accusing her of treason for leaking US intelligence, bribery for accepting a $145 million Russian “payoff” to the Clinton Foundation, and conspiracy for the Benghazi attack. Read the rest

The fascinating and ego-killing existence of human wormholes

Ryan Holiday's Ego is the Enemy is available from Amazon.

A few months ago, Chief Medicine Crow, one of the last remaining links to the Native American tribes of the Wild West died at age 102. He had grown up hearing stories about George Armstrong Custer from his grandfather, who'd been a scout for the doomed general at Little Bighorn in 1876. A soldier himself in the Second World War, Medicine Crow was one of the last Crow people to ever accomplish the four deeds required to be considering a war chief (command a war party, steal an enemy horse, touch an enemy without killing him and taking an enemy's weapon). Read the rest

Dumb Donald beer hit Chicago streets this week

Now's your chance to get drunk with Dumb Donald! Chicago-based Spiteful Brewing just introduced Dumb Donald this week. No, not the Republican nominee, but a double IPA beer with a nice and sour Key lime flavor. So why call it Dumb Donald?

According to the beer's label, "Dumb Donald is, well, dumb. So dumb in fact, we named a beer after him. It's like he got caught in a pause halfway through evolution. His brain still functions, at a minimal level with a vocabulary of a second grade student. You might even start to feel sorry for this man-child. Resist that urge, pop open this Key lime DIPPA and pretend you're on a far away island where people like Dumb Donald simply don't exist."

Spiteful Brewing isn't the first brewery to mock the Donald. Last March, Philadelphia's Dock Street Brewery introduced the beer Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Drumpf. (Drumpf was Trump's grandfather's original name.)

Unfortunately right now Dumb Donald is only available in Chicago, but if you happen to be in the city, Spiteful Brewing's website, which opens with "Don't fight it, spite it!" on their homepage, has a hefty list of the city's stores that carry it. Read the rest

This Twitter bot is mercilessly trolling Trump fans

Scores of Trump supporters have been fighting with an automated Twitter robot that spouts nonsense, and was designed to piss them off and waste their time on the internet. Read the rest

Massachusetts bill would force employers to pay half-salary to laid off employees for duration of noncompetes

Massachusetts is one of the few places in high-tech America where non-compete agreements are enforceable, a factor that scholars have pointed to in explaining why the state's tech industry has stayed so small relative to California, where the best workers can always move to the best companies. Read the rest

This small asteroid is Earth's constant cosmic companion

NASA announced today that a small asteroid has been discovered in an orbit around our Sun that keeps it as a constant companion of Earth. And it'll stay that way for centuries to come. Read the rest

College of Arms issues rules for managing coats of arms in same-sex marriages

If you believe that God has imbued your blood with special zoomph, thus ennobling you, and you marry someone of the same sex, the College of Arms has you covered! Read the rest

Dozens of news orgs demand DOJ release its secret rules for targeting journalists with secret National Security Letters

Freedom of the Press Foundation recently filed a huge brief in the organization's case demanding that the Justice Department release its secret rules for targeting journalists with National Security Letters. And in related news, a coalition of 37 news organizations - including the New York Times, The Associated Press, USA Today, Buzzfeed, and tons more - filed an amicus brief in support of the Freedom of the Press Foundation case, demanding that the Department of Justice do the same. Read the rest

Demystifying Heironymous Bosch with this visual marvel of a book

Hieronymous Bosch: Complete Works

by Stefan Fischer (author) and Hieronymus Bosch (artist)

Taschen

2016, 300 pages, 9.7 x 13.1 x 1.2 inches

$27 Buy a copy on Amazon

It is, perhaps, fitting that we know the date of Heironymous Bosch’s death while his date of birth remains unclear. We know that Bosch died 500 years ago and so much of what he left us is directly concerned with the afterlife or at least the spiritual journeys that humanity takes to the endpoint of life. The artwork of Bosch is wholly concerned with Christian allegory of the most human, inhuman, and superhuman variety. When one comes to behold a Bosch masterpiece, the lives of saints and the woes of sinners are the subject matter, and sometimes they are one and the same. There is a complexity that is easily identified in any one Bosch piece, but unravelling the intertwined religious and cultural allegories is beyond most. In Heironymous Bosch, The Complete Works, we are offered a unique opportunity, not only to demystify singular works of Bosch, but to take in the entire life and progression of this artist’s journey. Read the rest

When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout

Ladies and gentlemen, the Washington Post's infographic-heavy guide to surviving an active shooter, for all your clip-art needs. Read the rest

Watch live: Senate Democrats filibustering for gun control

Sen Chris Murphy [D-CT] and colleagues are attempting to push an amendment to a spending bill that would require background checks on gun sales and exclusion of terror suspects from sales. Read the rest

Startup looks to paint the sky with artificial meteor showers

ALE, a Japanese start-up, aims to create artificial meteor showers. From their very own satellite, the engineers at ALE would launch pellets into the upper atmosphere, creating one giant light show.

Via National Geographic:

Now, if a Japanese start-up called ALE has its way, a satellite capable of generating artificial meteor showers will be in orbit sometime in the next two years. From 314 miles (500 kilometers) above Earth’s surface, the orbiter will shoot metal spheres the size of blueberries into the upper atmosphere.

As these particles move across the sky at roughly 17,400 miles (28,000 kilometers) an hour, the spheres will burn into brilliant crisps—painting the night with colorful streaks on demand.

ALE’s particles are larger than most found in natural meteor showers, ensuring a longer burn and a bigger, brighter fireball, according to company spokesperson Rie Yamamoto. What’s more, ALE’s meteors would move across the sky slower than the natural variety, further lengthening their burn time.

And depending on the metals used to make the spheres, the company could create meteors of many different colors, using the chemistry of terrestrial fireworks to conjure up a rainbow of high-altitude flames.

Want a scarlet meteor, like the ominous red comet in Game of Thrones? Shoot a pellet made of strontium. Do you desire a sea-foam green streak across the sky? Make your meteoroid out of copper.

There’s no denying the entertainment value of ALE’s “Sky Canvas” plan, which came to company CEO Lena Okajima after watching the Leonid meteor shower 15 years ago.

Read the rest

Clement Freud accused of serial sexual abuse of children

Two women have come forward to accuse Sir Clement Freud, grandson of Sigmund, MP, broadcaster, dogfood spokesman, and children's author of sexually abusing them when they were children, and of rape. Read the rest

Baptist pastor praises Orlando shooter for killing gays

Pastor Roger Jimenez of Sacramento's Verity Baptist Church delivered a sermon praising the Orlando shooter and lamenting that The tragedy is more of them didn’t die…. I’m kind of upset he didn’t finish the job!" Read the rest

A quarter-century on, WHO drops claim that coffee is a carcinogen

The World Health Organization's International Agency for Research on Cancer reviewed 1,000+ papers investigating the link between coffee and cancer and concluded that the WHO's 1991 classification of coffee as a carcinogen was mistaken. Read the rest

Family of teen raising money to rescue her from pray-the-gay-away "boarding school"

When Sarah, a 17 year old in Texas, decided to take her girlfriend to the prom, her parents forced her into an "East Texas Christian boarding facility for troubled teens" from which she has repeatedly attempted to escape. Read the rest

Washington Post calls for "blackout" on Trump coverage, appeals to RNC

Donald Trump's butt-hurt, thin-skinned response to the Washington Post's basic, journalistic skepticism about his Obama-conspires-with-terrorists was to yank the paper's media credentials, adding them to the growing pool of media that is barred from Trump events, which includes "Politico, Huffington Post, BuzzFeed, Gawker, Foreign Policy, Fusion, Univision, Mother Jones, the New Hampshire Union Leader, the Des Moines Register and the Daily Beast" -- as well as any previously accredited news outlet that Trump doesn't feel like admitting on any given day. Read the rest

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