Michael Barbaro proposes that you sit down over a meal with a loved one who voted in a way you find incomprehensible and indefensible and have each of you discuss 19 questions, while not letting "imperfect word choices tank the conversation," forgetting "the policy debate for now," and assuming "the other person has generally good intentions."
The first four questions prompt each person to talk about the other one: Describe your relationship to me; are we close, who did I vote for and why, and what was the most important issue for me?
Then it moves onto the differences: How do you think our views came to be so different, has it been difficult to talk to me about this election, etc.
The meat, though is in plumbing the other's point of view: What do you think most needs to change about this country, are you uncomfortable about any aspect of how America is changing, do you think I'm sexist or racist; and the points of similarity: What is a trait you find positive about my candidate; what is something that you don't like about the candidate you voted for?
The New York Times's Run Up podcast is putting loved ones together to have this discussion; the results are pretty interesting.
15. What is something that you don't like about the candidate you voted for?
16. Is there anything you are hopeful about in a Trump presidency?
17. Is there a goal Clinton talked about that you could get behind?
18. What do you think we agree on?
19. Do you still like me?
How Could You? 19 Questions to Ask Loved Ones Who Voted the Other Way