The Eggo you wanna l'Eggo: A frozen Sausage, Egg and Cheese Breakfast Sandwich, reviewed (F)

The sad, misguided former heroes who make Eggo brand frozen waffles took a left turn and ruined it all. I recently tried their Sausage, Egg and Cheese Breakfast Sandwich and lived to regret it.

"LEGGO MY EGGO!," we would all yell as children. The era of my youth was dominated by the TV jingle, and when the commercial for Kellogg's Eggo came on, it was so much more fun than "Uh-Oh Spaghettios!." It was also superior to that of the dominant mayo of the day, bringing out the best with Best Foods!

My childhood was incrementally improved by the existence of Kellogg's Eggo frozen toaster waffles. Anyway, last week, I was going down the supermarket freezer section, and saw something that ended all that. I encountered the Eggo Breakfast Sandwich.

Lets face it, what I'm looking for is a Sausage Egg McMuffin that doesn't require me going to a McDonalds to obtain it. I understand that this artery-clogging breakfast sandwich of fat and chemicals-formulated-to-trick-my-body-into-thinking-I-am-tasting-fat from McDonald's is bad for me, but when I saw this amazing box from Eggo, I thought my dreams might be answered.

Right on the box it clearly states that the sausage is savory, the eggs 100% real (calling into question everything else), and promised cheese so melty. When added to the awesome that is an Eggo waffle, I thought I'd maybe have found a new breakfast delight. Long, long ago I'd discovered using Eggos as a sandwich bread replacement, and toasted Eggo and peanut butter sandos are heaven.

Oh, how wrong one consumer looking to experience child-like delight can be! After microwaving one of these cute looking, individually packaged mini-waffle sandwiches in the nuclear oven, I was confused. Something smelled amiss. Something smelled like cheap sugar.


All of the marketing about these Eggo would-be delights is true. The sausage savory, the egg presumably real and the cheese melty as all heck. However, it is only on the back of the packaging, and they make it take a bit of reading to decipher, that they disclose: these things are maple flavored.

Maple flavored.

Who the fuck maple flavors this?

Expecting Savory and getting kid-sugar sweet breakfast sausage is a surprise I wish upon no one. These are horribly disgusting.

Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches are a terrible, terrible disappointment.