Justin Caffier was good enough to play human guinea pig in the quest for the ideal liquid to put in a bong. Colloids and emulsions quickly got ruled out after his disastrous attempts at using ranch dressing:
What good would this whole ordeal be if I didn’t push my lungs and bong to their very limits in the process? In an affront to God that surely cancelled out the effects of the holy water I’d tested, I uncapped a bottle of Hidden Valley ranch and stuck that bad boy upside-down at the top of the bong's neck, letting gravity slowly pull out its viscous contents. Even as a fan of ranch, the acrid smell was making me queasy. Furthermore, I worried I wouldn’t have the required lung-power to pull smoke through so thick a fluid. After read a few motivational quotes and putting on “Eye of the Tiger” to pump myself up, I sparked the bowl of my experiment’s final boss.
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” This quote—misattributed to Winston Churchill—ran through my head as I battled with the predictably stubborn dressing, struggling to spark the bowl. Try after try, my flame found no purchase on the green in the bowl. Onward I pressed, my alveoli on fire, until finally, with one big primordial bubble, the smoke broke through to the surface and rushed into my chest with the jolt of a defibrillator resuscitation. As I coughed for the next half hour, I noted that the smoke was surprisingly devoid of any additional ranchy zest.
• My Ridiculous Quest to Find the Perfect Bong Water (Vice)
Image: Heath Alseike
Three vending machines dispensing crack pipes for $2 each were discovered roadside in Long Island. The machines were marked “PENS” and did indeed contain pens, well, ballpoint pens that had been turned into crack pipes. Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine tested the machine by inserting the required eight quarters and later remarked, “We’re going […]
Yep, the Beatle was tripping balls. Specifically, he had just taken a hit of DMT with famed 1960s art dealer Robert “Groovy Bob” Fraser. From the NME quoting a paywalled Sunday Times interview: “We were immediately nailed to the sofa… And I saw God, this amazing towering thing, and I was humbled. And what I’m […]
Top Shelf has reprinted the first volume of Anne Opotowsky and Aya Morton's groundbreaking 2011 book His Dream of Sky Island, an indescribably gorgeous graphic novel set in British-ruled Hong Kong: it's a tale that ranges over cruelty and dignity, love and venality, unspeakable crimes and unstoppable bravery.
Sipping on whiskey is already a sophisticated experience, but that doesn’t mean you can’t kick it up a notch. A perfect addition to your desk or home bar, the Eravino Whiskey Globe Decanter features a beautifully etched map on the surface and an eye-catching glass ship inside, bringing an entirely new level of class to […]
Gone are the days when you needed to pore over a 400-page physics textbook to learn about weight ratios, aerodynamics, and all of those other STEM concepts that let us take to the skies. Thanks to Force Flyers’ DIY Building Block Drones, you can foster your STEM knowledge as you build and fly your own functional […]
As more companies leverage cloud technology to unite and streamline their operations, the need for capable IT pros increases. But, as any IT guru will tell you, demand alone won’t get your foot in the door to this lucrative field. If you want to cash in on the demand and build a thriving IT career, […]