Truly, the end times are upon us, friends. Soon, the dead shall rise from the earth and believers will be called to their reckoning. I know these things shall come to pass, for I have seen the sign: Kentucky Fried Chicken ran out of chicken.
According to The Guardian, over two-thirds of the 900 KFC restaurants in the United Kingdom have been forced to close their doors, due to an acute shortage of birds to cook. The nightmare scenario is the fault of shipping giant DHL, who apparently hates joyfully greasy food. The Guardian reports that KFC chose DHL to manage its UK supply chain, because they'd illustrated having had their shit together when delivering stuff in other industries. By this logic, it's cool for you to leave your child's needs in the hands of a wheat thresher because it does such a good job of processing crops.
In a statement posted online, KFC assured the Internet that The Colonel is on top of the problem.
Fortunately, the chicken shortage shouldn't effect North American processed food aficionados, so we can all go on killing ourselves with scandalous amounts of sodium and fat, the same as always.
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
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