It is with heavy hearts that we confirm that Mr. Peanut has died at 104. In the ultimate selfless act, he sacrificed himself to save his friends when they needed him most. Please pay your respects with #RIPeanut pic.twitter.com/VFnEFod4Zp
— The Estate of Mr. Peanut (@MrPeanut) January 22, 2020
Lest you thought this was supposed to be an indictment of cannibalistic capitalism, it's actually just a PR scheme to tie in with a Super Bowl commercial. Like a true race traitor, the anthropomorphic man died while saving the life of his human friends, Wesley Snipes and Matt Walsh (the actor, not the idiot blogger).
His peanut friends, meanwhile, continue to die en masse to satisfy our (read: my) taste buds.
There will surely be another Mr. Peanut announced in the coming days to shamble forth like the zombie of corporate exploitation. In the meantime, at least we have this little gem from the delightfully under-rated Clone High USA, which I spend way too much time thinking about on a daily basis.
Planters really has killed off Mr. Peanut, with a funeral planned for the Super Bowl. [Jessica Wohl / Ad Age]
Image via InOttawa/Flickr