Does anyone ever read the introductory paragraph preceding a listicle like this? I sure don't. I always skip straight to the numbered list. So without further ado, here are the 5 types of villains making the pandemic worse for everyone else:
People who are hostile to science, evangelical Christians, sociopaths, members of Trump's loyalty cult, social media toilet lickers, and those whose investment portfolios are under threat.
Credo: "Coronavirus is George Soros / Bill Gates / libtard-concocted fake news designed to hurt God Emperor Trump."
- Bloviator / racist hatemonger Rush Limbaugh: "The coronavirus is the common cold, folks."
- Disgraced failed senate candidate Roy Moore: "Businesses are closed, our economy is destroyed and churches are closed by tyrants who pander fear in the place of faith in God and our U S Constitution"
- Unfairly photo-shopped Jerry Falwell Jr: "Shame on the media for trying to fan [coronavirus] up and destroy the American economy. They're willing to destroy the economy just to hurt Trump."
- Former Ms. Nevada State 2019 Katie Williams: "I just went to a crowded Red Robin and I'm 30. It was delicious, and I took my sweet time eating my meal. Because this is America. And I'll do what I want."
- Attorney Scott A. McMillan: "The fundamental problem is whether we are going to tank the entire economy to save 2.5% of the population which is (1) generally expensive to maintain, and (2) not productive."
People who buy up vast amounts of toilet paper, particle masks, disinfectant wipes, and food, either out of fear or to seize an opportunity to profit through price gouging.
Credo: "If I don't take it all, someone else will."
3. Star-Bellied Sneetches
People who are rich, famous, and or powerful enough to skip the line for testing and treatment.
Credo: "Only the little people wait in line."
- Prince Charles, "who left London for the Balmoral estate only hours before the government instructed everyone else not to flee to the country"
- Patients of Dr. David Nazarian, who he describes as "influential people, A-list celebrities, and CEOs"
- Harvey Weinstein, who is "doing fine" after he was tested positive for coronavirus in prison
Officials who use insider information to enrich themselves while lying to the public about the true nature of the pandemic. Fraudsters who sell nostrums and other purported cures.
Credo: To the public: "We have everything under control." To their broker: "Sell"
- Sen. Richard Burr (R-N.C), who "dumped ~$1.5m in stock before crash, while reassuring public that coronavirus was no big deal."
- Sen. Kelly Loeffler (R-GA), who sold stock before the crash and "bought between $100,000 and $250,000 in shares of Citrix, a company whose software facilitates remote work."
- Convicted fraudster Jim Bakker, who received a cease-and-desist order from the New York Attorney general for claiming that a concoction he was selling called Silver Solution cure coronavirus illnesses.
- Industries and interest groups that will profit heavily from the $2 trillion federal stimulus package.
People who terrorize and infect others for the likes and lulz.
Credo: "I have the virus and now you are all going to get sick," usually later followed by, "it was simply a joke."
- Potok Philippe, a 28-year-old self-styled social media influencer who was charged with mischief after he allegedly told fellow plane passengers, "Can I get everybody's attention please. I just came back from Hunan province, the capital of the coronavirus. I'm not feeling too well. Thank you."
- Margaret Cirko, who allegedly walked into a Pennsylvania grocery store and coughed on $35,000 of produce, meat, and other fresh food, forcing the store to throw it out.
- George Falcone who was "was charged with making a terroristic threat after he intentionally coughed near a supermarket employee and told her he had the coronavirus."
- Cody Lee Pfister, who was "arrested this week after he allegedly made a video of himself licking items at a Walmart in an attempt to mock the coronavirus."
- Sportsball player Rudy Gobert, who intentionally touched reporters' microphones after an interview, and later tested positive for coronavirus