Covid-19 is making New York kinky again

Memo: Wash your hands, and your sex toys.

The New York Health department has issued a "harm reduction strategy" document encouraging city residents to eschew in-person hookups and opt instead for "video dates, sexting, subscription-based fan platforms, sexy Zoom parties or chat rooms."

But if you absolutely must, the memo offers covid-19 safety tips for sex workers ("take a break" the memo states, but don't expect an EIDL loan), directives for group sex parties ("limit your guest list"), and guidance for those who dig the "mature" (Remember, those over 65 are high risk!).

"Make it a little kinky," the memo states. "Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact." The times they are a changin'. Could the city's infamous glory hole culture make a comeback?

Ultimately, the memo urges, "You are your safest sex partner," and as the infamous New York pervert Woody Allen once said, "Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."

But the best harm reduction strategy might be the memo itself. Read the whole thing and you'll never want to have sex again.