Send scary clowns to deliver "Screaming Telegrams"

For $50, you can put a scary clown local, underemployed performer to work by sending a "Screaming Telegram" to the 18+ friend or foe of your choice. The service, provided by San Francisco-based Into the Dark Productions, includes a COVID-safe surprise visit by a scary clown who will sing, bring some balloons and, yes, deliver a "nightmare-inducing" scream. Offer only good in San Francisco city limits.

Add-ons are also available, like a pack of cigarettes ($20), "three used porno mags" ($20), or "poppers and lube" ($20).


…Joshua Grannell — better known as San Francisco's cinephile drag queen Peaches Christ — has devised a sinister way to safely send loved ones both a trick and a treat. Fair warning: It involves clowns.

Prior to the onset of COVID restrictions, Grannell's initial plan was to remount Terror Vault: an immersive interactive horror attraction that's run seasonally at the San Francisco Mint building for the past two years. In addition to the creative freedom it gives her to be as frightening as possible, Grannell told SFGATE that the attraction was also important for its ability to provide local jobs.

"Last year, we were proudly able to employ over 80 people who are primarily local artists and performers living in the Bay Area," she said. "That's been one of the best parts of mounting these productions. This year, we are so disappointed not to be able to do the show, but we were determined to at least do something that would help out some of our cast and crew."


image via Into the Dark