National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Director Dr. Anthony Fauci told USA Today that the coronavirus is believed to have no effect on the mysterious humanoid cryptid known commonly as Santa Claus.
"Santa is exempt from this because Santa, of all the good qualities, has a lot of good innate immunity," he said. "Santa is not going to be spreading any infections to anybody."
Fauci did not provide evidence for this claim, even as he carved out a Claus-shaped exception to the CDC's recommendations for holiday gatherings. This is fair; presumably, Santa Claus would not be spending more than 15 minutes inside of anyone's home, considering how many houses he has to hit in a single night in order to make Christmas happen. Furthermore, he would likely be maintaining a social distance of at least six feet from the children all nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums dance in their heads.
As of press time, it is not currently known how the Santa Claus feels about masks (although they may provide some additional protection from that North Pole windchill).
The Trump administration had previously schemed to provide Professional Mall Santas, a union-based cult of worship that spreads the message of the North Polian cryptid through cosplay, with early access to coronavirus vaccines as part of a now-scrapped PR initiative.
Fauci says Santa Claus has 'innate immunity', won't be spreading COVID-19 to anyone this Christmas [Adrianna Rodriguez & Grace Hauck / USA Today]
Trump administration scraps plans to give early coronavirus vaccines to Santa Clauses
Say "Merry Covid-Christmas" with this 2020 Santa ornament
Image via Timepasts
