David Sedaris unfunnily proposes a "citizen's dismissal" law that lets anyone fire service workers at any time

You know that saying, "The customer is always right?" Which is literally just a nicer way of saying, "We live in capitalism and therefore money talks so sometimes it's best to just appease the person with the cash?"

Noted humorist David Sedaris took this a step further in a recent, very unfunny diatribe that reeks of privilege and disdain for the working class:

During this difficult time when so many Americas are looking for work, I'd like introduce an idea for something I'm calling the "citizen's dismissal."

It's like a citizen's arrest, but instead of detaining someone, you get to fire them!


I'm not suggesting that we go crazy with this. We all have our off days. Certain people, though, could easily be replaced by go-getters who'd say, "I've got an idea! Let's wrap your pottery in my socks and underwear! Or you could use your own if you have a thing against germs." That's the kind of person I want to deal with! Someone with solutions. The sort who'd say, "If I keep the pool open, could I maybe do my laundry at your house?"

As customers, though, we'd need to keep our end of the bargain. "Of course, you can do your laundry at my place," we'll say. "I just need to throw in some socks and panties I promised to return to someone who, like you, is really good at her job."

This reminds me of a lyric from a song about Black Friday by the Homeless Gospel Choir: "Jesus Christ didn't die so you can be an asshole."

David Sedaris demands the right to fire others [CBS News]

Image: Public Domain via JCS/Wikimedia Commons