Disney's super cheesy attempt to make the Galactic Starcruiser interesting

In a desperate attempt to revive hope for its extremely expensive, "immersive" Star Wars theme hotel, The Halcyon Galactic Starcruiser, Disney is hocking a novel about Han and Leia's honeymoon on the seemingly doomed fake space cruise ship.

After several instances of disastrous marketing, ever canceling reservations, and an absolute lack of enthusiasm from even Star Wars most diehard fans, Disney wants you to know that not long after defeating the Empire at Endor, Han and Leia decided to celebrate their love on something that looks more like a Star Trek Enterprise-D or Voyager ripoff than anything in the Star Wars universe.


"Set just after the events of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, the story begins on the forest moon of Endor, where Han proposes in the elation of the rebel victory against the Empire. After a ceremony at the site of the victory celebration at the end of the film, the newlyweds depart for a honeymoon aboard the Halcyon starcruiser, the luxury vessel at the heart of the new Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser experience at Disney World Resort. In their most desperate hour, with the war still raging but the Empire nearing its last gasp, the couple must outwit the Imperial remnants clinging to power."

This is mind-boggling, even if you aren't imagining Han and Leia taking the Millennium Falcon to Orlando. (Technically, it's there.) The idea of Star Wars' greatest power couple taking a ride on the Galactic Starcruiser to pretend to be in Star Wars is an ouroboros of madness. Will they participate in the lightsaber training class? Does Han have any desire to go to the "bridge operations training" and would he be any good at it or are his flight skills inapplicable to big-ass space hotels? Will he and Leia sit awkwardly in the bar as the Twi'lek diva Gaia sings at them from three feet away?